• The Red Carpet Show (on E!) started three minutes ago and Ryan Seacrest is already annoying me. That being said, I would like one of those giant heat lamps on my fictional house with its fictional patio.
• Oh, Ross. He makes me uncomfortable. Also, I *still* don’t like Kelly’s silly hair.
• So, looking ahead to the actual awards: We haven’t seen many of the movies this year, but obviously that doesn’t stop me having lots of opinions. Here’s what I want to happen:
  • Best Drama: Lincoln. Because a) I haven’t seen Argo or Django Unchained and b) because Lincoln wasn’t actually that Spielberg-y.
  • Best Comedy/Musical: If it weren’t for my history as theater geek, I would absolutely say Moonrise Kingdom. But then Les Miserables happened and I can’t vote for anything else because I’m so excited about it.
  • Best Actor Drama: Daniel Day Lewis.
  • Best Actress Drama: Helen Mirren. Because she should win all the awards.
• Taking a break from my votes: Julianne Hough (when did she become A Thing?) has kind of awesome hair. I don’t like her dress, but I want those bug earrings.
• Also, Amy Adams is adorable, but her dress is blah. Of *course* she’s wearing Marchesa. *yawn*
• Claire Danes just said “I’m hoping I don’t leak anytime soon.” about having *just* had a baby like four minutes ago. Also, Claire Danes in Versace? No Calvin Klein! And her eye makeup is too much.
  • Best Actress Comedy: DAMN. How do I choose? Judi? Meryl? Maggie? Can they all win? I also deeply love Emily Blunt AND Jennifer Lawrence. Having seen none of the movies, I don’t have an opinion.
  • Best Actor Comedy: Ewan McGregor. Delicious.
• Michelle Dockery (oh, Lady Mary!) in Alexander McQueen, maybe? Fabulous gold and white, anyway.
• Katherine McPhee: I realize your boobs are in danger of making a serious prison break but STAND UP STRAIGHT.
• Isla Fisher bedazzled her dress.
  • Supporting Actor: Not Tommy Lee Jones. Phillip Seymour Hoffman was great.
  • Supporting Actress: I *guess* I wouldn’t mind Anne Hathaway winning this one, but what about Helen Hunt? She’s so fantastic?
  • Director: Kathryn Bigelow. Because those dudes win every time. I would also accept Ben Affleck.
• Zooey (the inferior Deschanel, says this Bones fan) in my prom dress. Pretty.
• File Brian Cranston under “Not Taking Giuliana’s Bullshit”
• Lena Dunham is cute. It’s a fantastic dress! Love the pleating in the skirt. Did Ryan Seacrest forget to ask who her dress is by?
• Seriously, haven’t we seen Amy Adams‘s dress about a gajillion times?
• So, gang, what’s the deal? Is Girls any good? Ought one to watch it? Also, Lena Dunham: I don’t pee in front of other girls. I think you might not be in the majority there.
• If you need more live-bloggy action: Go Fug Yourself
• AMY POEHLER AND TINA FEY OH MY GOD! Both fabulous. So effing exciting. But why is Tina Fey’s hair so light? And big?
• So, I really like Tina Fey‘s dress – the collar thing is kind of eighties-y, but I love the length. And Amy Poehler is rocking the shit out of that suit. I would have appreciated a slightly more unusual necklace with the jacket.  But of course, somewhere Celine Dion is asking “but why not backward?”
• So this year’s stupid interview theme is “tell us about your crazy fans.” I’m not that interested, but it’s better than diets.
• Also, dudes. Did you notice that BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH is nominated? Cumberbatch Cumberbatch Cumberbatch Cumberbatch Cumberbatch.
• Whenever I see Bradley Cooper I just think WILL TIPPIN!
• Is that Lucy Liu behind him? In that blue and black thing? Looks good to me! Also I just asked “is that Lucy Liu? and Lucy (the dog) looked up at me like “WHAT.”
• Okay, what’s with the faux-Elizebethan corset crotch pointy thing that’s happening with some of the dresses? Julianne Hough, Lena Dunham, Zooey Deschanel… Strange.
• Jodi Foster! Love the Hair, Love the Dress, Love the Makeup. Love. Armani. Obviously.
• Also, it WAS Lucy Liu. And I love it. It also seems to be continuing the faux-Elizabethan thing.
• I want to yank Olivia Munn’s dress up about an inch. Not far, but it seems a little droopy. Also, Ryan Seacrest didn’t do his homework about OM’s newsroom background.
• Sally Field looks great! Mature, but not too “Mother of the Bride.”
• Also, does Ryan Seacrest have a girlfriend? Really?!
• Aziz Ansari! Tom Haverford! Wearing Kevin Dior. Awesome. So much swag.
• RACHEL WEISZ. LOVE. She’s Number ONE on the list of celebrities I wish I looked like. For real.
• AZIZ ANSARI: “What is that? Based on my chocolate skintone?”
• Ooh, there’s Lucy Liu! who is the dress? Oscar? RYAN IS LETTING ME DOWN. Oh! Carolina Hererra! Cool! Though I will say her hair verges on the costumey.
• Michael J. Fox is looking pretty good! That makes me happy.
• Seriously, Amy Adams makes me sad every time they cut to her. So pale. So monochromatic.
• Jessica Chastain: I don’t know what your deal is, but I love your hair.
• Jennifer Lawrence: Her dress is not that exciting except for two things: Why are her boobs so pointy? And that metal belt is really cool. I like when her hair is brown too.
• CUMBERBATCH IS COMING UP! Cumberbatch Cumberbatch Cumberbatch Cumberbatch. I’ll have a giggle with you, Benedict. Oh, yes.
• Nicole Kidman has arrived. Her dress is also alluding to Elizabethan corsetry. It’s officially a trend.
  • Does it need to be said that I want Cumberbatch to win his category? I mean, really? KEVIN COSTNER? No. CUMBERBATCH.
• That Bailey’s ad was really trippy.
• Amanda Seyfried seems like she has NO confidence. Get it together. Also, it’s only a matter of time until she makes an ill-advised Madonna biopic.
• Hugh Jackman is delicious, but he needs to shave.
• On the subject of shoes. GEEZ some of those heels are TOO TALL. Jennifer Lawrence’s were at least SEVEN inches. Also, E! should just put a HANDRAIL on their platform! Dead air while these poor hobbled ladies struggle down the steep steps.
• Taylor Swift: She looks OLD. I like her earrings and I like her dress and her hair and everything, but I feel like it ages her about ten years.
• HAMM IN THE BACKGROUND! (Dan recommends a Hamm-Cam and I concur.)
  • I forgot about Julianne Moore in Game Change! Surely she’ll win, right?
• Jennifer Westfeldt looks very cool in Naim Khan. I approve.
• OH NO. Rachel Weisz is demonstrating the original meaning of Scrolldown Fug. I thought itwas so cute, but then OH. NO.
• Julianne Moore looks stunning in Tom Ford. So, SO great. But is it an inch too short?
• Nicole Kidman looks great! I wish her hair were a little redder. She’s in McQueen. Obviously. I don’t love the studs.
• Jennifer Garner in something shimmery and red.
• ADELE! I love her. The dress is a little mumsy but her eyelashes are MAJOR.
• Oh Sienna Miller. Oh, NO. UGH and it’s CUSTOM? Yikes.
• Marion Cotillard is gogeous. She’s also rocking the metal belt. Dior is into that this year. The assymmetrical hem is interesting. I think I like it?
• Julianna Margulies – hello illusion netting. Wow. Skin. OH! ER LOVE!
• Clooney is pretty. As always. I really don’t care about Stacey Keibler. Armani Prive. I guess it’s good.
• Kate Hudson is auditioning for the role of her mother tonight.
• Sofia Vergara looks fabulous. I love that dress and that it’s a slightly different profile for her.
• Hey, Ben Affleck. that’s a good beard.
• Kristin Wiig has an ill-advised cutout on her dress.
• Jennifer Lopez. Very predictable. Also, shut your mouth. Too much sexyface.
• Anne Hathaway! Great hair. Also, I’m going to say that she is pregnant. There’s no other explanation for the bodice of that dress. Which is not to say I don’t like it.
• Hooray Salma Hayek! Keeping the big-ass bow alive!
• “When it comes to torture, I trust the woman who spent three years married to James Cameron.” WOW.
• “I haven’t seen someone so alone and abandoned since I saw you on stage with James Franco at the Oscars.” Zing.
• SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MOVIE: Christoph Waltz! I love a German acceptance speech. Also, Quentin T. is silly and a little sketchy.
• SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A MINI-SERIES etc.: Come on Maggie…. YAY! And of course she’s not there. She’s so above it.
• Eva Longoria’s skirt is completely sheer. Do we like it?
• Mini-Series/Movie: Game Change! Hooray! Was Jonathan from Buffy in Game Change?
• Julianne Moore! As Sarah Palin! So crazy! A reminder: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOa98P_Mv68
• Catherine Zeta-Jones’s accent is really weird.
• Aida Tackla O’Reilly? Where the hell is she from? I like it when the President of the HFPA speaks.
• I would like to officially stop peplums from happening. It’s NOT GOOD.
• I want to die and come back as Salma Hayek.
• Actor TV DRAMA: Damian Lewis. So Homeland is good?
• Did the teleprompter completely crap out on them? Poor guys.
• BEST TV DRAMA: Homeland. Too bad for Downton. It’s not a good year for the family. This dude giving the most self-congratulatory speech ever.
• Christine is really freaked out by the Target cake mix ad.
• Argo: Worth all the hype it’s getting?
• Jennifer Lopez! She’s playing the blow-up doll version of herself in that dress. Ridic.
• Soundtrack: As long as it’s not John Williams, I don’t mind.
• Yay, Adele! Haha. Taylor Swift looks *pissed*.
• Kevin Costner?! OVER CUMBERBATCH?! HFPA IS DEAD TO ME. Poor Cumberbatch. Here, you can cry on my shoulder.
• BILLLLLLL! Lena Dunham’s face said it all.
• I mean, Lincoln has to win if they’re having Bill effing Clinton introduce it.
• Kristin Wiig and Will Ferrell are pretty cute.
• Emily Blunt might be one of my new favorites.
• Jennifer Lawrence! She’s so awesome. But seriously, all of them are so good in this category.
• Supporting actor TV: Ed Harris! He was excellent in Game Change.
• Supporting actress in a Movie: Anne Hathaway! She’s so cute. I hope she keeps her hair like that forever.
• We’re all agreed that both Amanda Seyfried and Robert Pattinson are odd looking.
• Screenplay! Quentin Tarantino? Surprising.
• EVERYONE should be like Jeremy Irons. What an odd, delightful class act.
• Debra Messing and Lucy Liu – That is a LOT of dress on one stage.
• Stallone and Schwarzenegger. So much macho. So many jaws.
• Claire Danes! I was hoping for Michele Dockery. Oh well. Glenn Close is sad.
• Sacha Baron Cohen – he’s always odd. But strangely sexy when not dressed as a random character.
• Animated feature? Brave! Hooray!
• Aziz Ansari and Jason Bateman! So excellent.
• Lena Dunham is super cute.
• Tina and Amy’s monologue: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmxBHtbAhoQ&feature=youtu.be
• Robert Downey, Jr. So great.
• Jodi Foster, also awesome. And I still love her dress. She’s just so great.
• So did Jodi Foster come out publicly? Is that what happened?
• Director! Ben Affleck, who is clearly as surprisd as we are!
• Ugh. Jay Leno. He can just fade away any time now.
• Best Comedy TV show: Girls! I guess we should watch it, then?
• Christian Bale is greasy, but still very attractive. I would also like to hear him doing Michael Caine.
• I’m sure Hugh Jackman is great, but I wish they would just give the award to someone in a COMEDY.
• So to come back to it, what was Jodie Foster on about? My sound cut out for the most (I think) important part of the speech (I guess she cursed? I would in that situation.). Is she quitting movies? I mean, sure she’s gay. What was that all about?
• Jeremy Renner is sketchy. And his little mustache is stupid.
• CHRIS PRATT is in Zero Dark Thiry?!
• What did COMCAST have to do with Les Miserables?! It’s Kabletown. Crazy.
• Actress Drama: Jessica Chastain! That’s exciting, I guess. It’s nice that a woman is winning for such a sausagey movie as Zero Dark Thirty looks to be.
• Actor in a Drama: Daniel Day Lewis! Hooray. Also, DDL’s language is NOT impoverished.
• Julia Roberts is there? Who knew?
• Best Drama! Here we go. Argo?! Wow.
• That’s a wrap, folks. Off to dream about Daniel Day Lewis ca. 1990.  See you back here on Feb. 24 for the Oscars!

The last few months here at Darby O’Shea HQ have been busy, but mostly really, really fun. Lately I’ve been feeling really great, happy, relatively relaxed. I’ve actually been feeling really young. Symptoms of this phenomenon include, but are not limited to:

• I’m nursing a big bad celebrity crush. Like googling-pictures-of-him-bad. And wanting-to-watch-all-his-old-movies-even-if-I-probably-won’t-like-them-bad. I am embarrassed.
• I’ve been listening to songs on repeat like I did in middle school, but with less rewinding, thanks to iTunes replacing my old collection of cassette singles. (Yes, I’m that old.) in this case I’m not listening to walking on broken glass or the Macarena or boyz to men on repeat (it was a deeply silly time of life.) but rather Mumford and Sons (specifically “Winter Winds“) and Regina Spektor (“How” is a really, really great song.)
• I’m picking back up old hobbies, even though I don’t really have time or money to support them. Knitting, sewing, all kinds of fun.
• I’m thinking a lot about clothes and all the fun things I’m going to wear on vacation in December.
• I’ve reverted to a steady diet of junk food. (Admittedly, junk food looks different these days than it used to. Indian takeout has replaced hot pockets and “homemade” from-a-box calzones and greasy Alfredo sauce and cream cheese spread thickly on saltines, those staples of middle school snacks.)
• I laugh louder and more easily. I snort while doing this.
• I may or may not occasionally twirl while walking across the apartment. (Isn’t that what sock-feet and wooden floors are for?)

It may seem silly, but I think I can put all these happy, silly little changes down to finally having recovered from grad school. It’s been six months since that long slog ended and I’m only now feeling like its actually over. I’ve got more energy and am more uniformly happy than I’ve been since … College? Can that be right?

Now that I’ve thoroughly embarrassed myself, lets talk about food.

A couple years go, I had a flash of this kind of happiness and hopefulness. It expressed itself in soda bread, admittedly not a great recipe. I’ve made a few other attempts since then with different recipes and varying degrees of success. This time I have found a good one, one that captures the taste and almost the texture of the soda bread I so enjoy munching when we are in Ireland.

It’s funny. All of the actual Irish recipes I’ve tried call for unseemly quantities (this one wanted a ridiculous TEN cups of flour). When I read one of these recipes, I imagine an appallingly stereotypical and anachronistic scene involving turf fires and glowing hearths and huge families and wide floury aprons. But I think in reality these recipes are so huge because it’s physically impossible to eat fewer than four slices of warm soda bread fresh from the oven, slathered with salty butter and topped with a slab of sour, crackly Dubliner cheese.

Great. Now I’m salivating. In public. And out of reach of any soda bread or cheese.

With no further ado, the recipe.

NOTE: I think you could easily halve the recipe, but I wouldn’t quite halve the soda, lest the bread not rise – also every recipe I’ve used calls for two teaspoons of soda, regardless of whether it requires ten cups of flour or six or four. Also, full disclosure, I haven’t tried this, so no guarantees. I also find traditional American whole wheat flour a little too heavy. Use stone ground (Bob’s Red Mill is good.) or, if you can find it, Graham flour. It comes the closest to the texture I’ve found in real soda bread.

Rich Soda Bread

slightly adapted from Darina Allen’s Ballymaloe Cooking School Cookbook

• 5 c Whole Wheat Flour, stone-ground or Graham where possible
• 5 c Unbleached All-Purpose Flour (I use King Arthur)
• 1 T Salt
• 2 t Baking Soda
• 3-4 c Buttermilk (I needed closer to four cups, but you should use your judgment.)
• 1/4 c Old Fashioned Oatmeal
• 1 Egg
• 2 T Butter

1. Preheat the oven to 450.
2. Whisk together the flours, salt, soda, and oats.
3. Rub in the butter with your fingers until the mixture resembles cornmeal.
4. Whisk together the egg and buttermilk.
5. Make a well in the middle of the flour mixture. Pour in 3 cups of the buttermilk mixture and, using your hands, sweep the flour mixture into the buttermilk mixture until it is incorporated.
6. Turn the dough out onto a floured surface and shape roughly into a round, two inches tall.
7. Deeply slice the top of the dough. An X is traditional. Darina Allen also instructs us to prick the corners “to let the fairies out.”
8. Lightly flour a baking sheet, place the dough onto it, and bake for 15 minutes at 450. Then, turn the heat down to 400 and bake for a further 25-30 minutes. The bread should be brown and crispy and sound hollow when tapped on the bottom.

And then I realized that it was 95 degrees and that we were planning I about 20 people in our UN-air-conditioned apartment. The specter of melting buttercream, weeping meringue, and too-oozy curd brought tears to my eyes.

A sturdy cake, then.

What my mom and I settled on (did I mention that my mom helped out massively with the party prep this time?) was an old fashioned Jam Cake.

A jam cake involves, as you might have guessed, jam. In this case it’s actually baked into the batter, where it suffuses the cake with jammy flavor, but not with over-sweetness. The icing for this jam cake was a hard caramel icing (perfect for hot weather). All together, the spiciness of the cake, fruitiness of the jam, and heady sweetness of the caramel make this a delightful, all-season cake. Its spices are warming for the winter, and it’s sturdiness and fruitiness makes it summer-picnic-appropriate.

Blackberry Jam Cake with Caramel Glaze

(barely) adapted from Nancie McDermott’s Southern Cakes

for the cake

• 3 c flour
• 2 t baking soda
• 1 t cinnamon
• 1/2 t ground allspice
• 1/4 t ground cloves
• 1 c butter
• 2 c sugar
• 3 eggs
• 1 1/2 c jam (I used blackberry, but use whatever flavor you like!)
• 1/4 c milk
• 1/2 t salt

1. Preheat the oven to 350. Grease and flour two 9-inch cake pans (I’ll admit I used Baker’s Joy instead.)
2. Combine flour, spices, and salt in a medium bowl.
3. In the bowl of a stand mixer, beat butter and sugar on high speed until well combined.
4. Add the eggs, beating after each one until combined.
5. Stir the jam and add to the batter. Mix until combined.
6. Add the flour mixture and stir with a wooden spoon until combined. Add milk and stir until just barely combined
7. Spread the batter into the cake pans. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes (or more – mine took forEVER to bake, but my blackberry jam was REALLY runny) until cakes are nicely browned.
8. Cool completely on wire racks before assembling.

As you have undoubtedly heard, there’s a serious restaurant boom happening in the east end of Cambridge. It’s epicenter is Kendall square, where at least ten new restaurants have opened in the last year. (Don’t quote me… I’m weak on statistics.) One of these new restaurants is Area IV.

Now, Area IV isn’t the newest or the fanciest of these new eateries, but in my opinion, it’s just about the most pleasant and satisfying. From a cost perspective it’s totally reasonable (a 10-inch pizza runs $10-15) and the quality of the food is very, very high.

The ambiance is lovely, with an open kitchen and vaguely industrial feel. Don’t miss the huge chalkboard toward the back, where you’ll find the menu as well as some factoids about the location, how they source their ingredients, and so forth. Area IV, like seemingly everyone else these days, focuses on local, seasonal ingredients, sourcing everything from vegetables to meat to beer from the vicinity.

These ingredients, in the hands of chef Michael Leviton (of Newton’s Lumière), become truly delicious pizzas and apps and stunning desserts.

We eat here with relative frequency, but have also enjoyed using it as our party-space away. From home. This spring my family celebrated graduation there with 8 people, six pizzas, a round of drinks, and a handful of desserts.

My particular recommendations: they make a divine mushroom pizza and,if the season is right, their spring veggie pizza is a thing of beauty. For brunch on weekends order something that’s comes with their house-made sausage. It’s meaty and sweet and fresh and not too salty. The breakfast sandwich is an element option. But hie thee hence and go immediately for their house-made soft serve ice cream. The night we had our dinner party there, my mother and I split a sundae comprised of SOUR CREAM SOFT SERVE and SALTED CARAMEL SAUCE. Now, you may have noticed that ice cream isn’t something we talk about a lot here. I like ice cream, but I’m not one of those Ice Cream People. But this ice cream was life-changing. Seriously.

To sum up, it’s an excellent, excellent choice for a casual, hearty meal and you won’t regret it. You may even see us there.

Which reminds me – what are you all reading these days? Share your tips in the comments! I’m very happy to have some free time for fun reading for once. Are you at all interested in talking about books in this space? I am.

The Barn is one of my favorite cooking spaces. Something about that kitchen or maybe the air or the fact I’m generally relaxed there always makes me feel especially inspired and makes whatever I cook taste pretty spectacular.

This time, we arrived with only a few groceries, among them a bag of golden cherries all the way from the Pacific Northwest (living in springtime New England you get frustrated by all the bloggers posting about the abundance of fresh produce appearing all around them and you just buy anything exciting in the supermarket, regardless of its provenance, local sustainable good intentions be damned).

I wanted to make something delicious with them for dessert on Saturday and thought something pastry-like was necessary to go along with them. When I go away somewhere planning to cookout without a plan, I tuck Michael Ruhlman’s Ratio into my bag just in case.

I thought something like a popover might be nice to try. Having never made a popover before, I didn’t know exactly what to expect, but we weren’t disappointed. And rather than simply slice th e cherries, I thought I would be a little more festive and set them on fire with a little rum. The result: sweet popovers with cherries jubilee. I recommend you try this immediately.

Sweet Popovers with Golden Cherries Jubilee

for the popovers (makes six dramatically puffed ramekin-sized popovers)

• 2 c milk
• 4 eggs
• 1 3/4 c flour
• 1 t salt
• 1/2 t cardamom (optional, but I always like to throw some warm spice into a dish like this)
• 2 t sugar
• ca. 1/2 stick butter

I’ll tell you more about graduation soon, but for now here’s a happy little moment from the last few days.

You may have heard me rhapsodize about Sofra in the past, but I don’t think I’ve mentioned one of my favorite items on their menu. They serve an amazing yogurt parfait for breakfast – featuring labne instead of yogurt, layered together with wheat berries and spoon sweets. It’s rich, heavy, and beautifully balanced. The sweetness of the spoon sweets is in perfect harmony with the tang of the labne.

Here at home I’ve more frequently settled for a bowl of regular yogurt, maybe topped with some fresh fruit, maybe with some of my mom’s homemade granola. But this week I ran into some rhubarb that begged to be made into something delicious and, during the same grocery trip, stumbled across wheat berries for the first time ever. So, I came home and got busy. What resulted was my version of the Sofra yogurt parfait. Vanilla Greek yogurt with wheat berries and rhubarb compote.

I know, it’s not intricate baking or kitchen alchemy, but simple is what’s called for right now. And this is dead simple.

Rhubarb Compote

• about 4 c of rhubarb rough cut into about 1 inch chunks
• 1 1/2 c sugar
• 1 T vanilla extract
• 1 T balsamic vinegar

1. Stir together all ingredients and heat over medium heat until sugar is dissolved.
2. Lower heat to medium low, cover, and simmer until rhubarb is very soft. (This is a matter of taste, but I prefer rhubarb when it’s cooked very, very thoroughly. Feel free to stop cooking while the rhubarb still has some structural integrity. Unlike me.)

Of course a few things have happened that I’ll tell you about. But first! Did you know:

• Darby O’Shea is on Facebook!
• And Twitter!
• And Pinterest!

Go forth and follow me! And now, here are some of the highlights of the last few months.

We went to Seattle – for work, not vacation, alas.

But we found time to eat at Delancey!

And we carved out a few minutes to pay a visit to a BSG Viper. A Viper! And if you don’t know what this is, you’re clearly not geek enough for this blog.

Back home, I baked some cupcakes. (More on that later.)

And I escaped to Northampton to see some pretty flowers.

While there, we visited one of my favorite-ever big old trees.

And we made beer!

We also went to a very classy party.

And I threw a little one of my own.

Oh, and this happened. That’s Dr. Darby O’Shea to you. Best excuse ever for not blogging?

One: I’m trying to get healthy (Hello, Weight Watchers! You’re my hero!) and that doesn’t jive with the amount of baking I usually do.

Dan’s been doing most of the baking around here lately. Out of necessity. This is him with his first-ever cake.

But more importantly…

Two: I’ve been applying for jobs and trying to finish my dissertation. This is a LOT of work. Also a LOT of writing, leaving very very little creativity leftover for this happy little space.

Yes, I’ve missed you.

But, you guys!  I made something amazing tonight!  And it’s relatively healthy! And I’m going to tell you about it before I slink back to work for the next two months.

(Yes, that is an Instagram photo. Dan bought an iPhone and I’ve been too busy to even take a proper photo lately. Forgive me.)

Smoked Salmon Carbonara

(Makes two very generous servings at 16 WW points each, for those of you who are counting. It could probably serve three. Really.)

• 6 oz Barilla Plus spaghetti
• 1 T olive oil
• 3 cloves garlic
• zest of one lemon (or Meyer lemon)
• juice of one lemon (or Meyer Lemon)
• 1/4 t crushed red pepper
• 1/2 c chicken broth
• 2 T heavy cream
• 1 egg yolk
• 1/3 c grated parmesan
• salt and pepper to taste
• 3/4 c frozen peas
• 6 oz excellent smoked salmon (ours was from Seattle, so there)

1. Start your water boiling. Generously salt the water and add the pasta. Set the timer for five minutes (or half of how long you usually cook your pasta).
2. While pasta cooks, heat olive oil over medium heat and add chopped garlic, lemon zest, and red pepper flakes until fragrant and garlic begins to brown.
3. Add chicken broth and bring to boil. Add lemon juice and reduce heat to medium-low. Cook down by about half.
4. When your timer for the pasta’s halfway point goes off, then throw your frozen peas into the pasta pot. Set timer for the second half of the time.
5. Remove sauce from heat and add cream. Stir to combine.
6. When pasta is cooked al dente, drain the pasta and peas. Before adding the pasta to the sauce, stir an egg yolk into the creamy sauce very quickly so that it doesn’t curdle.
7. Combine pasta and sauce and stir in 3/4 of the cheese.
8. Add chunks of  the smoked salmon into the pasta and stir gently to combine.
9. Serve with a dusting of parmesan on top.

And now I’m back to work. See you all in a few months.

11:36: Hooray! That makes me very happy. And thank goodness Uggie is there!

11:32:  Why is Tom Cruise presenting? Random.

11:29: Well, that’s fine. Meryl should have won a dozen of these things that she didn’t.

11:24: And now it’s time for Meryl Streep, surely.

11:21: I still really just can’t believe War Horse was nominated. Really.

11:18: Hooray! Jean Dujardin! Amazing!

11:14: Best Actor! Who will it be?

10:58: The music at this Oscars is so weird.

10:54: And a Smithie won an Oscar! Awesome.

10:53: HOORAY!
The Descendants: 1
The Help: 1
The Artist: 3
Hugo: 5
Midnight in Paris: 1

10:51: Directing. This should be interesting.

10:38: The cast of Bridesmaids. Lovely.

10:30: REALLY?! Woody Allen? Come on!

10:27: Adapted screenplay! And they’re mocking Angelina!

The Descendants: 1
The Help: 1
The Artist: 2
Hugo: 5
Midnight in Paris: 1

10:24: You can just about all but see Angelina’s hoo-ha when she walks in that dress.

10:19: As Dan just said: “Flight of the Conchords and Trent Reznor are winning Oscars for music!”

10:14: HURRAH!  The Artist! I mean, obviously it needed to win for best score. Really.

The Help: 1
The Artist: 2
Hugo: 5

10:12: One day, I’d like to see the Oscars produced by Michael Bay. That would be AWESOME.

9:58: Best supporting actor! Exciting! Christopher Plummer wins – there is justice in the world.

9:56: Oh yeah, Hugo is charging ahead.

The Help: 1
The Artist: 1
Hugo: 5

9:47: Rango! Surprising!

9:41: I do love Robert Downey Jr. Looks like he’s filming Iron Man, if his beard means anything.

9:35: Cirque du Soleil + Danny Elfman. This makes a lot of sense to me.

9:29: I LOVE this photo of Brad and Angelina.

9:26: I think we can see how this is shaping up.

The Help: 1
The Artist: 1
Hugo: 4

9:12: Octavia Spencer. I feel sad for Bejo, but it looks like Octavia was pretty great in that movie.

The Help: 1
The Artist: 1
Hugo: 2

9:09: It’s always hard to predict which accent Christian Bale will go with.

9:09: Here’s a handy gallery of the dresses.

9:06: I always love when Sandy speaks German.

9:04: The Artist: 1
Hugo: 2

Just keeping score.

8:54: J.Lo: Your dress is not loose enough to show you’re a lady.

8:45: We’re 2 for 2 so far. Hugo is going to run away with a lot, I have a feeling.

8:43: It’s my uncle Ivan! I didn’t know he was a cinematographer.

8:42: How do I get the job of Celebrity Seat Filler?

8:40: “Owen Wilson was so great as Woody the gentile.”

8:38: I always appreciate the Billy Crystal musical number.

8:36: I like the screen being pulled down! Also, Billy Crystal has had *this* much too much work done.

8:31: It’s a Billy Crystal film montage!  LOVE it!

8:30: I want one of those Mercedes they just advertised.

8:25: Chris Rock has oddly good eye makeup on.

8:23: Who started Brian Grazer off with that hairdo? Why has no one told him it’s dumb?

8:22: Tom Hanks’s double-breasted tux makes him look very hippy.

8:20: Natalie Portman looks lovely. I don’t love her necklace – I mean it’s sparkly and beautiful, but it’s a little too intricate.

8:17: I’d like to remind us all: Stacy Keibler used to be a WWE Wrestler. You just let your imagination run wild with that information.

8:15: I love how Tim Gunn and Nina Garcia seem to actually like each other.

8:12: Where’s Angelina?!

8:04: I would kind of like to hang out with Gwyneth Paltrow and Cameron Diaz while they’re getting ready for the Oscars together. Even though both of them annoy me.

8:03: Bradley Cooper needs to shave that mustache off.  But, he needs to ALWAYS do Christopher Walken.

7:56: Penelope Cruz! Beautiful! Also, I want those diamonds that are around her neck.

7:46: NINA GARCIA! Will she be bitchy?!

7:44: Keep dancing, Jean, keep dancing!

7:42: I’d like to knock back some champagne and have a bit of a giggle with Colin Firth.

7:41: I’m with Tina Fey. Let’s have a big musical number.

7:40: Switching to ABC. Ciao Ryan, and thanks for the laughs. TIM GUNN AND TINA FEY! HURRAH!

7:37: Know what? Michelle Williams is beautiful and her dress looks nice, but I wish she would someday wear something that couldn’t be described as demure.

7:32: Rooney Mara is wearing Givenchy. Awesome. The boob flaps are a little odd, but she looks great. I also wonder what will happen to her look when she’s done with the Dragon Tattoo movies.

7:28: Emma Stone in Valli. I love it.  I also LOVE how pissed Ryan Seacrest is.

7:26: “Who are YOU wearing, Ryan?” Giuliana made a funny!

7:24: J Lo! Hola lovers!

7:23: Tina Fey! Amazing!

7:16: The Dictator. With Kim Jong-Il’s ashes. Funnier than I would have expected. Also, I want to KISS him for pouring ashes on Ryan Seacrest. AMAZING.

7:15: EMMA STONE! HURRAH!

7:15: Octavia Spencer looks fantastic in Tadashi.

7:12: Kristen Wiig is wearing a dress exactly the same color as her skin.

7:05: While I was gone: Rooney Mara in white – pretty, but odd. I love the plastic-y hair. Maya Rudolph: amazing. I also want that dress. John Of-the-garden – so lovely. SO! Lovely!

6:26: Jessica Chastain’s grandma is adorable. Also, she IS wearing McQueen. Amazing.

6:23: Shailene Woodley is a stoner, right?

6:21: Jessica Chastain looks AMAZING. I want to rip that dress right off her and keep it for myself. McQueen?

6:20: Melissa McCarthy is lovely, but I don’t love her dress.

6:19: Dear Stacy Keibler, wearing gold does not make you (or your date) get an Oscar. Also, that flower on your hip is kind of freaky.

6:12: Berenice Bejo is lovely. LOVE her earrings. Not nuts about her dress.

6:11: Ellie Kemper is pretty. I want to trim about 1/4″ off her bangs.

6:08: Rose Byrne looks gorgeous, but SKINNY.

6:07: I like Wolfgang’s Chacket.

6:06: Silver lining? No Franco. Oh, hell yes.

6:03: Ugh! You guys! The show hasn’t even started and I kind of just want to watch a movie instead.

5:59: The Goodyear Blimp! It’s not just for sporting events anymore!

5:55: Milla Jovovich’s shoulder thing is too big. But her hair is divine.

5:53: Yes. Cruelty-free silkworms. Of course.

5:42: Seriously. LEARN TO PRONOUNCE THE DESIGNER’S NAME.

5:40: In case you’re bored already, I give you a sentient remote controlled bowling ball chasing Beaker.

5:38: FROM THE DIRECTOR OF AVATAR, it’s an in-theater RERUN of Titanic! Hurrah! May it make another half billion dollars for the Smug One.

5:37: HA! Ross Matthews got kicked off the red carpet. He’s so obnoxious.

5:35: For the record, ELEVEN YEAR-OLDS should NOT be allowed to wear Valentino couture. Seriously.

5:26: Here are some of our picks. Dan and I are divided on a few key categories this year.

• Best Picture: I want The Artist to win, obviously (I haven’t shut up about that movie since I saw it), but Dan’s vote is for Hugo. As for actual prognostication: I think that The Help has been gaining momentum, but at the same time, Hugo has also been getting a lot of late buzz. I fear that The Artist peaked too early.
• Best Actor: Dan’s voting Gary Oldman (and I’d be totally okay with him winning as well), and I’m gunning for Jean Dujardin (dreamy). Odds are on George Clooney winning, though.
• Cinematography: Since my heart was broken when Inglourious Basterds didn’t win this category, I’ve given up betting, but I dearly hope that The Artist wins. Could go to Hugo though. Dan and I agree that The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo needs to be rewarded for the opening sequence and Dan thinks it’ll happen in this category.
• Original Screenplay: Please, God, please let Bridesmaids win.

5:23: P.S. Did anyone else LOSE their SHIT when the prison guard in Downton Abbey shouted “NO TOUCHING”?  I’m pretty sure we weren’t supposed to laugh at that moment. Also off topic, but I’m really, REALLY sick of the Lorax commercials. How could they ruin it that badly?  Ugh.

5:06: Hi all – Kicking this thing off early today. Who’s excited? It was NOT, if you ask me, a good year for movies, (here are the nominees, in case you’re really slow on the uptake) so I’m not that invested in the winners and the losers (And did you see that only 25% of the nominees are women?! What gives?)

Anyway, we’ve got some black beans cooking up on the stove (the color of the little cloud hovering over us today) and we’re twiddling our thumbs until the real show begins (about a half hour til the live red carpet show). Here are some things we’re looking forward to this year:

• Red carpet looks from: Rooney Mara, Glenn Close, and Meryl Streep (will she do her hair tonight? who knows?). Also Sasha Baron Cohen.
• As always, the Fug Girls will be dazzling us with their Live Blog. (UPDATE: read here)
• Ryan Seacrest looking a fool as always.
• Hopefully we’ll have at least one surprising result: maybe Rooney Mara will beat out Meryl Streep (riiiight).
• Maybe someone will be hitting the sauce in the bathroom and we’ll get a bubbly speech or two.
• Brad Pitt’s sadface when he doesn’t win. At least Angelina will be there to comfort him. (She must also be sadfacing since her movie seems to have made next to no impact. Ditto Madonna, except for the Costumes nod.)

10:55: The Descendants!  Looks like we need to watch that.

10:54: Harrison Ford! What’s going to win best drama?

10:49: Penis joke!

10:48: George Clooney! So charming.

10:47: Natalie Portman looks blooming. But what’s with the wing on her skirt?

10:41: Three cheers for The Artist!

10:40: Meryl is not great at ad libbing.  Or she’s amazing at it.

10:35: Meryl Streep! Need a full length shot of her dress.  Love that she just threw her hair up in a ponytail.

10:34: Tough tough category: Best Actress – Drama.

10:33: Ricky Gervais is looking very thin indeed. And introducing Colin Firth!

10:32: Queen Latifah looks great!

10:27: That was an excellent ad break intro: Colin Firth, Meryl Streep, Tilda Swinton, and Jean DuJardin tap dancing.

10:26: Jean DuJardin is AMAZING. Hooray for an excellent choice.

10:25: Marky Mark! Also, I do NOT like Jessica Biel’s dress. Miss Havisham much?

10:24: Michelle Pfeiffer isn’t that charismatic, really.

10:19: My husband’s cousins with Marky Mark!

10:18: Modern Family seems delightful. I should maybe watch it?

10:16: God bless Antonio Banderas.

10:16: Beer in a wine glass. Classy.

10:14: It’s eyebrow time!

10:13: I don’t know if I’ve said this before, but The Artist is the best movie I’ve seen in YEARS. You should all go RIGHT NOW and see it.

10:11: Robert Downey Junior. Yummm.

10:05: “Hi Elton.”

10:04: Many class acts present tonight.

10:03: Helen Mirren stole Kate Middleton’s ring for earrings.

10:02: Morgan Freeman loves to take a bath in a casket.

9:58: Helen Mirren is a little tipsy. It’s awesome.

9:56: Morgan Freeman deserves a lifetime achievement award.

9:55: Losing interest. But Sidney Poitier is amazing.

9:47: So was The Help good?

9:46: Matt LeBlanc is still around?

9:43: Tina Fey and Jane Lynch! So awesome!

9:42: Emily Blunt is fantastic. And wearing yellow!

9:37: Is Claire Danes’s dress asymmetrical or is it her boobs throwing everything off?

9:35: I vote Mireille Enos. Even if her hair is weird.

9:32: Poor Angie.

9:30: Madonna time! I feel like she’s kind of channeling Michelle Pfeiffer.

9:23: Felicity Huffman and William H. steal my heart. And she’s so shiny!

9:22: Woody. Fine. But The Artist should have won.

9:14: But I thought Tintin wasn’t supposed to be good? Spielberg is so smug.

9:13: That’s a LOT of bronzer and/or shimmery lotion on Jessica Alba. So shiny.

9:11: I love that George Clooney is making fun of Brad Pitt. Slash stole his cane.

9:09: Peter Dinklage is kind of awesome. Yay for him.

9:01: Michelle Williams. Add “anything to do with Marilyn Monroe” to the list of ways to get awards. Right next to Holocaust movies.

9:00: Kate Beckinsale is very pretty. She’s on Dan’s List.

8:59: So much power just in the words “Hi guys.” DAMN.

8:58: Can I be one of his most loyal fans? He’s tasty.

8:57: LUTHER. IDRIS ELBA. If he doesn’t win, I quit.

8:52: A dedicated Darby O’Shea fan comments: “Golden Globe for Best Drama to effing Homeland? Over AHS AND Game of Thrones? #protest” Thoughts?  I don’t have those channels and thus can’t comment.  (But I will say that a fantasy-ish show probably won’t win a Golden Globe. Not until something like Bridesmaids wins an Oscar. Stupid genre-prejudice.”

8:51: Elton does not look happy.

8:50: There are the arms! And she’s wearing one glove! And she’s really really squeezed into that dress. My boobs hurt looking at her.

8:48: Has anyone else even heard of Machine Gun Preacher.

8:47: “I’m sorry I am French….”

8:46: As long as it’s not John Williams… HOORAY!  It’s the guy from the Artist!

8:39: I like Claire Danes’s dress, but really wish she weren’t droopy. She’s giving Dr. Sunkentits competition.

8:37: I’m always disappointed that Kelsey Grammer is not, in fact, Frasier.

8:35: The other one made her mark in comedy by defecating in a sink. And somehow that’s still less demeaning that what you’ve all done to make it in Hollywood.  Or something like that.  Awesome.

8:30: SWINTON. Nutsy-cookoo.

8:28: I haven’t seen Mildred whatever, but I’m pleased for Kate Winslet. Also, she’s a normal shape and I like that.

8:23: Says Dan of Rob Lowe “He’s been drinking too much Sunny D.”

8:22: Julianne and I are going to have to have a talk about her earrings and how I want to rip them off her head and keep them forever.

8:21: DOWNTON EFFING ABBEY.

8:20: ROB LOWE NEEDS TO CUT IT OUT with the tanning. I love Julianne Moore, though. She can do no wrong. I love the zipper/buttons/studs on the back of her dress.

8:13: Tina Fey sneaking in the shot! I love it!

8:13: Best actress in a comedy! I want them all to win! But really, Tina Fey. Or Amy Poehler.

8:13: Ashton Kutcher should be ashamed to be introduced as “from Two and a Half Men”

8:11: “That scene-stealing swine from the outer Hebrides.” Youngsters, take a note: this is HOW to accept an award.

8:10: Yay Christopher Plummer! I love it when the oldies win. Also, he’s SO classy.

8:08: I still love Scorsese’s eyebrows. Always the best part of an awards show. So, supporting actor in a drama… guesses?

8:07: Johnny Depp!! So pretty. Even with his silly floppy hair. Um. Also, I’d like him to please read to me. Even just the phonebook.

8:06: DRESSES HERE.

8:04: Elton John looking unimpressed, Leonardo DiCaprio looking too earnest, Helen Mirren eating a roll. Love it.

8:03: Amy Poehler looks lovely.

8:01: I just saw Meryl Streep. Um.

8:00: There was Helen Mirren! I do like Ricky Gervais with a beard.

7:58: Did Meryl Streep and Swinton just SKIP the E! people?!

7:53: What do we think of Salma Hayek’s dress? I think I love it. Very Metropolis-chic.

7:52: Two things: Jodie foster looks amazing. and Claire Danes REALLY needs a bra.

7:48: Evan Rachel Wood for the WIN.

7:46: Jessica Alba looking lovely. But SHINY. Is that canola oil?

7:45: Where the EFF is Meryl Streep? SERIOUSLY!  Also, we are NOT served by  closeups on the red carpet!

7:44: Jessica Biel SANS engagement ring. And I LOVE Maya Rudolph! Great dress!

7:41: Madonna … I don’t know. It’s like a little rock and roll, but not quite. I wish she had her hair up.  Who’s the woman with her!? Because she’s wearing Vivienne Westwood and I want to make out with her dress.

7:39: Lea Michele. She’s lovely, but her dress is NOT.

7:38: Diana Agron looks AMAZING! Did anyone catch who designed it?! It looks like Tord Boontje’s stuff!

7:32: Reese Witherspoon is presenting her BOOBS tonight! 10:1 nip slip territory.

7:32: Tina Fey looks great, but her hair needs to deflate. Nicole Kidman looking WACKADOO. Kind of awesome. Need to process that one.

7:30: Heidi. Boring and DROOPY! Nice ass, though. Lea Michele: not great.

7:29: Kate Winslet… Not sure.

7:28: Mila Kunis looks lovely.

7:25: Reese Witherspoon looking exactly the same as she always does. Michelle Williams in cut/burned velvet – she’s adorbs, but shouldn’t be wearing a couch.

7:20: Angelina’s talking about war and genocide, Brad’s talking about baseball. I really like the top of Angie’s dress, but the rest of it is meh.

7:18: Let’s all pause for Brangelina.

7:12: I want Kate Beckinsale’s earrings.

7:11: Charlize Theron looks gorgeous, but I’m not totally on board with the pouf. I wish Charlize would say something off-color.

7:09: Jonah Hill is channeling the young Republicans.

7:08: Jezebel liveblogging now!

7:05: Kristin Wiig: Not loving the nude. Evan Rachael Wood: LOVE HOLY SHIT FEATHERS WOW.

7:04: Berenice Bejo! LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!

7:02: Brad and Angelina looking pretty great. Brad greasy and bebearded, but Angelina looks stunning.

6:58: FUCKING SPOILERS. Pardon my French, but that’s BAD red carpet etiquette.

6:55: Charlize Theron looking BEAUTIFUL. Love the headband, love the assymetrical hair.

6:54: BONES! And Zooey! Both looking lovely!

6:50: Rooney Mara is pretty badass.  Nina Ricci! Interesting.  It’s very Morticia Addams.

6:48: Julie Bowen’s dress is pretty. Like the sleeves.

6:46: Sofia Vergara STUNNING in Vera Wang. That’s my new favorite color.

6:45: Frieda Pinto: beautiful Prada and Chopard necklace.  What’s that fabric? is it quilted?

6:37:  Diane Lane. Pretty dress. I’d hit that.

6:35: Rooney Mara! But I couldn’t see her dress! Oooh. It’s something tulle and low cut. GREAT eye makeup.

6:33: Who’s the girl from The Descendants? Her dress is pretty!

6:32: I do like Nicole Richie’s dress though.

6:30: Let me Reiterate: Ariel Winter rocks. Also, is that Nicole Richie in the silver dress? Her hair is INSANE. Dan says: “looks like a 60s sci-fi vixen”

6:29: I don’t know who Paula Patton is, but she looks GREAT in yellow.

6:27: You guys! A complaint: My Esteemed German Colleague in GERMANY has already seen Meryl Streep. WHY HAVEN’T I!

6:25: I LOVE Sarah Michelle Gellar’s dress.  I don’t love her roots.

6:24: I love Melissa McCarthy. I like – but do not love – her dress.

6:23: Amanda Peet … Christine put it best “she’s wearing lampshade from the 80s… maybe the 70s.”

6:21: Who was that in the blue and white dress?!

6:18: GoFugYourself! They’re liveblogging! Here.

6:16: THE DOG FROM THE ARTIST!

6:15: Piper Perabo: awkward dress. That Ariel girl from Modern Family: adorable “I want either a puppy or a cell phone.” Also, Dan just pointed out if she’s 13, she’s probably named after The Little Mermaid.

6:08: Kelly Osbourne, we need to talk (no, not about your hair). If you’re going to be on national TV and comment on people’s fashion you NEED to be able to pronounce the designers’ names.

6:06: Who’s this Ross character?

6:05: “Yessss! That wall art was from me!” Ugh.

6:03: George Clooney. Gorge.

6:02: Ricky Gervais looking swank in a red suit and Ray Bans. I like the beard.

6:00: It’s Ryan Seacrest time! So much plastic!

5:53: Lea Michele has NINE tattoos? So not white bread!

5:52: I don’t care about Charlize Theron’s tattoo, but I hope she curses on the Red Carpet.

5:40: Everytime I hear the phrase “Colin Firth’s wife” a little bit of me dies. *sob*

5:38: Giuliana is trying to be Ricky Gervaisy with her Lindsay Lohan’s publicist joke. Not the same.

5:37: While we’re waiting for real celebrities to show up, look at this.

5:33: Everybody must be kind of relieved that Mad Men didn’t run this year. I mean, those nominated. Obviously not us.

5:32: People I’m looking forward to seeing on the red carpet:

• Alec Baldwin – for the snark
• Rooney Mara – for the fashion
• Brad Pitt – for the dimples, provided he’s shaved his beard
• SWINTON – for general badassery and lack of eyeliner
• Any and everyone from THE ARTIST, which is the best movie I’ve seen in YEARS.
• Kenneth Branagh – for Gilderoy Lockheart fabulosity
• Tina Fey and Amy Poehler – because I want to be friends with both of them

5:26: Oh GOD. They’re going to be advertising the Kardashians on every single ad break, aren’t they?

5:21: Scary arms alert! Madonna’s going to be at the Globes this year! Will Ricky Gervais make a joke about them?

5:20: And Giuliana has already mentioned pilates and Master cleanses. Ugh.

5:19: Here are the nominations: GG Nominations

5:15: Kelly Osbourne needs to stop saying “obsessed.” Also, I hate (vehemently) that hair color. Except on Tavi Gevinson.  Furthermore: I’m about to add Joan Rivers to the Dick Clark club. It might be just about time to retire, dear.

5:12: Hi all!  Sorry to be a stranger. No promises that I’m going to keep it up and post all the time, but I’ve returned for the traditional Golden Globes liveblog.  Things I’m thinking about this time:

• I haven’t seen almost any of the movies nominated. So my predictions and/or preferences will simply be based on how much I like and/or hate particular people.  So there.  Grain of salt, people.
• I’m going to say up front that I feel terrible for Guiliana Rancic with the breast cancer and surgery and everything.  That being said, I still think she’s terrible at red carpet interviews. So I’ll probably still complain about her.
• I hope Ryan Seacrest continues to make an a$$ of himself as usual.
• I think that’s all.