12:02: Well, that wraps it up. On to the after parties, which I will not be liveblogging.
12:00: Also, it’s great that it wasn’t a big studio picture for once. It had been a while.
11:59: With absolutely no fanfare, it’s The Hurt Locker! Restoring my faith in the Academy for another year.
11:58: Captain Douchey was just shaking his head and frowning at Kathryn Bigelow. Perhaps she should have thanked him specifically.
11:56: Yeah, The Hurt Locker was really amazing.
11:56: If there’s any justice in the world Avatar also won’t win Best Picture. So nice to have a woman win for Directing.
11:55: Kathryn Bigelow! HOORAY!
11:53: So much potential for goodness or badness.
11:52: If anyone can lend a sense of drama, it’s Barbra Streisand. And she wore a pants suit!
11:52: That was lovely.
11:50: Sandra Bullock prepared her speech. That’s nice.
11:49: That was predictable. Kind of disappointing. Where’s the Oscar drama? Still coming up?
11:48: It always feels like he’s giving a eulogy. Like tears are a breath away.
11:48: Couldn’t he do up his tie?
11:47: I wish Stanley Tucci were my friend. Also, I want Meryl Streep’s bracelets.
11:46: St. Meryl.
11:45: See, this makes me really wish that Gabby would win.
11:44: Gabby’s going to cry because Oprah knows how to deliver a line.
11:43: Carey Mulligan is adorable, but should not be bottle blonde.
11:42: Helen Mirren has a spiderweb tattoo!
11:41: Tony Blair!
11:40: Bringing out the big guns… Oprah’s there to pitch (presumably Gabby). Votes are already in!
11:39: Best Actress time! Big potential for drama.
11:35: He’s so mellow.
11:34: When the Dude says “Raise your hand, man” you’d better stand up.
11:32: Kate Winslet is so fabulous. And I’m so very happy for Jeff Bridges. Maybe it’s because he didn’t get a nom for Stick It.
11:31: TITANIC MUSIC.
11:30: I WILL go see Ondine just to see Colin Farrell speak in his own accent.
11:29: I would believe anything Julianne Moore said about anything, but especially nice things about Colin Firth.
11:28: Vera Farmiga seems like she’s just lovely.
11:27: A lot of people say that if Jeff Bridges wins, it’ll be a lifetime achievement award. I say those people haven’t seen Crazy Heart. He absolutely deserves to win.
11:24: Michelle Pfeiffer looks fabulous.
11:24: Best Actor time!
11:18: Kathy Bates! I think Avatar won’t translate to DVD.
11:18: James Cameron looks unhappy. Threatened? Nervous? Bored?
11:17: “I’d like to thank the Academy for not counting Na’vi as a foreign language.”
11:15: Best Foreign Language Film. Quentin is high as always.
11:10: This might be happening at an after party.
11:05: Keanu Reeves! Why is he introducing The Hurt Locker?
11:05: I repeat, George is bored.
11:05: Fisher Stevens was Larry in Only You. Genius.
11:04: The Cove – it’s like Whale Wars, but competent.
11:01: Documentary – having not seen any of them, I generally count on the most depressing one to win.
10:57: George is bored.
10:56: Up in the Air was so great.
10:55: That’s the one Avatar had to win.
10:52: But I’m totally okay with Up winning.
10:51: As with everything, Avatar’s soundtrack was fine, but Not Original. My vote: Sherlock Holmes.
10:48: Of course, I generally expect my Interpretive Oscar dance to have something to do with the music. Maybe that’s just me.
10:46: I LOVE interpretive Oscar dance!
10:40: James Taylor is so classy and this is a lovely song.
10:37: Preternaturally young-looking Demi Moore gets to introduce the memorial montage. For once she’s not wearing black.
10:36: ANIMATED MOVIES DON’T GET NOMINATED FOR CINEMATOGRAPHY AWARDS.
10:35: Cinematography is a tight category too. You know what I’m voting for.
10:35: What the hell kind of fabric is that dress.
10:30: I still like Inglourious Basterds a lot.
10:26: Yay! Down with Avatar! See, JC, the 3d is cool, but you can’t ride it to the end!
10:26: Will it be a twofer?
10:26: Look at the viking sound editor go!
10:25: We have HOPE! The Hurt Locker beats Avatar on a technical award!
10:24: It’s like a PSA for why we should care about Sound Editing.
10:22: Lots of horror movies. Quentin liked it. Also, it turns out Zac Efron is also a miniature person.
10:18: I’ve never seen her in anything, but I think I really like Kristen Stewart.
10:17: I love the horror movie with Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin! It’s paranormal!
10:12: If anything’s going to take down both Avatar and The Hurt Locker, I think it’ll be Precious.
10:11: Frosted boobs!
10:10: Costume Dramas! Sandy Powell is amazing. That’s a lot of look, but she rocks it.
10:08: Costume Design… Please give this one to The Young Victoria. Ugh. I cringe at SJPs dress.
10:07: “This Oscar sees you.” BLAH.
10:06: Avatar wins for Art Direction. This is where the Avatar landslide starts.
10:05: Sigourney Weaver is gorgeous.
10:01: And she’s eloquent again.
9:59: I have high hopes for this speech…
9:58: Mo’Nique looks ridiculously good in Precious. And she wins!
9:55: Best Supporting Actress! This is the toughest for me to call.
9:53: Huh. I’m not sure how I feel about not having the lifetime achievement award at the big event. I miss the big syrupy montages.
9:52: Queen Latifah looks radiant!
9:50: Things just got interesting… with the screenplay win, Precious makes a serious run for Best Picture gold. Shaping up to be heartbreak all around for Up in the Air.
9:49: I really need to see An Education, don’t I?
9:47: I LOVE Rachel McA’s dress.
9:43: Jeff Bridges is awesome. A Serious Man also looks good.
9:40: The Young Victoria was CRIMINALLY overlooked. Also, I forgot how much I liked Star Trek.
9:39: James Cameron is laughing because he knows he has to. I think it’s brilliant.
9:37: YES! Ben Stiller as a Na’vi.
9:32: Gherkin Schmerkin.
9:28: Carey Mulligan shows Zoe Saldana how a young actress should dress for the Oscars. I understand ZS is wearing Givenchy, but that dress was just not a good idea.
9:25: BLESS ED ASNER!Lou Grant forever!
9:24: Up for Best Picture! Oh man, I’m going to cry again!
9:22: Macaulay Culkin has grown up to be a ten year old Steve Buscemi.
9:20: This John Hughes montage is the stuff happiness is made of.
9:17: Molly Ringwald and Matthew Broderick! It’s the 80s!
9:15: The Hurt Locker – the evening starts out well for The Hurt Locker. Please note the absence of Avatar in this category.
9:14: Robert Downey, Jr. and Tina Fey. Delicious together. Best Original Screenplay! Inglourious Basterds, PLEASE!
9:09: I have that sick sinking feeling that I always get when there’s a movie I really don’t want to win.
9:05: District 9. I didn’t realize it was set in Apartheid-y times. That makes it a little deeper than I originally thought.
9:05: T-Bone’s the strong silent type.
9:04: Hooray!I’m no country fan, but i love everything about the music from that movie.
9:03: Crazy Heart! I wish it would win everything. Everything that Inglourious Basterds doesn’t win, that is.
9:03: Did anyone see Paris 36? Hear of it?
9:02: Also, I’m with the Fug Girls re: Miley Cyrus needing to stand up straight. It looks like she either has scoliosis or is afraid her boobs will pop out if she stands up straight. Unforgivable.
9:01: Best song: are they not going to perform any of them?
9:00: Cut to Bradley Cooper, cue my heart to skip a beat.
8:59: UP! Hooray! Now, it would be awesome if it won Best Picture, too.
8:58: Best Animated Feature – we all agree it’s going to be Up, right?
8:51: Vera Farmiga’s dress sticks out two feet from her knees. You think they had to put her in the front row?
8:51: Lifetime TV for women! The Blind Side. I feel like I’ve seen the whole movie via clips and trailers.
8:48: Waltz!! “That’s an Überbingo!” Also, I LOVE his speeches with their extended metaphors!
8:47: Stanley Tucci is SO SCARY!
8:45: Long clips!
8:44: Penelope REALLY knows how to dress herself. AND Best Supporting Actor is NOW! Waltz! Make it Waltz!
8:43: Alec is randomly rocking a Mid-Atlantic accent. Did he study up with Gomes?
8:41: She sent him “a gift basket with a timer.” And he reciprocated with a “Toyota.”
8:40: It’s the JELLYFISH from Avatar!
8:38: Apparently goofy race jokes are de rigeur.
8:37: “Rugby and tensions between blacks and whites.” ??
8:35: Meryl Streep has the most losses for Best Actress.
8:34: Steve and Alec are already the best Oscar hosts EVER.
8:34: P.S. for all you Netflix subscribers: did you know that you can watch Dr. Horrible on their website?
8:34: NPH kickline!
8:33: I dig the old-school chorus girls.
8:32: “Why does a prisoner drop the soap? No one wants to do it alone.” Weird. But funny.
8:31: Neil Patrick Harris! But he said he wasn’t doing it! HOORAY!
8:30: On the nose. That’s a GLITTERY set. All the best actors and actresses all together. Renner dumped the model and the hotel in time for the show, I guess.
8:29: I don’t know if you all are Twits or not, but Roger Ebert is seriously in love with Christoph Waltz. Check it.
8:27: Well that was uncomfortable. Now it’s time for the real show.
8:26: Meryl is wearing Chris March again! Awesome! Project Runway for the win!
8:25: Kathy Ireland takes the prize for WORST INTERVIEW QUESTION EVER. “What can you share with us?” It even left GABBY without an answer.
8:23: Winslet in YSL. Lovely.
8:22: Again, I don’t care about Miley cyrus, but I want her earrings. Also, I wish Kathy Ireland would relax her right arm. It looks painful.
8:21: It’s the PWC geeks with their VERY IMPORTANT briefcases!
8:16: THIS WHOOPI GOLDBERG AD IS NUTS.
8:17: While we’re stuck on commercial, watch this.
8:16: I will only say this once. These words have never passed my lips before: Cameron Diaz looks fabulous. Oscar de la Renta CANNOT go wrong.
8:15: SJP is TOO TAN. Also, that dude says of her dress “You should steal it.” He’s a closet case.
8:10: Helen Mirren and Christopher Plummer. That’s a new fantasy couple. The Captain still has it.
8:08: Even the commercials are worse on ABC.
8:05: Sandra Bullock… also in Marchesa. Marchesa must make a ton of money for the Oscars. Do you think that she is a wheeler-dealer for Harvey Weinstein?
8:05: George Clooney is holding on to his girlfriend’s butt.
8:04: Jake Gyllenhaal is beautiful.
8:03: Maggie’s lipstick isn’t my favorite color.
8:02: Anna Kendrick is a miniature person. All of the Supporting Actress nominees look good, but it’s a lot of look that’s going on in that booth.
8:01: Sherri Shepherd? I thought it STARTED at 8? Do I still have to WAIT?
8:00: I hope you’ve all switched over to ABC now. All sorts of old footage in montage.
7:53: Kate Winslet looks like a million bucks.
7:52: And there’s Jeff Bridges. I wonder if Jeremy Renner is still AWOL. Also, JB’s wife is gorgeous.
7:51:This also makes me like Gerard Butler a bit more.
7:49: I also don’t really care about Gerard Butler. Though I might amend that if he actually does moon the Academy.
7:44: The Back-Up Plan looks hideous.
7:43: ROBERT DOWNEY, JR. LOVE LOVE LOVE. DROOL. Even with the tinted glasses and Jr. Republican haircut. I dearly, deeply love him.
7:40: Gabby looks FABULOUS. Marchesa did her proud. And she says she wants to do a movie with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. I, too, want to go to there.
7:39: YES! Quoth the Fug Girls: “J.Lo vs Seyfried, in similar Armani! i suspect J.Lo might have thoughts about that tomorrow on GFY… -H”
7:34: Tom Ford is getting a LOT of mentions tonight. I agree that Rachel McAdams looks all kinds of fabulous. Though Dan and I both prefer her brunette.
7:31: Meryl Streep is lovely. I want to be her friend. “You were cheerleading a little bit but that’s okay.”
7:30: I’d like to draw your attention to this blind item. So far we seen George Clooney, Morgan Freeman, and Colin Firth. That leaves Jeremy Renner and Jeff Bridges.
7:29: Oh, I CAN’T wait to see what the Fug Girls have to say about J.Lo. and Amanda Seyfried wearing BASICALLY the same dress. I hope we get an open letter from la Lo.
7:28: Colin Firth…. He can do no wrong. But I think he’s had a little tipple before showing up!
7:27: IS Clint Eastwood really that great? I’ve never gotten that. Also, another shot of Intern George’s hair and it’s a REAL mullet. However, I can’t hold it against him because he was signing autographs.
7:25: In case you need it, there’s a slideshow here.
7:20: Who is the Brit with the Dentyne and the terrible accent?
7:19: Charlize Theron frosted her tits for the evening.
7:18: Stanley Tucci is great. I like his beard. I like his glasses. I love him very much.
7:17: I love how tall Katheryn Bigelow is. Do we think JC was too uncomfortable with such a tall woman? What a little man.
7:16: Helen Mirren in the background!! She’s so great I love her. Also, Clooney has a wavy mullet.
7:15: SJP looks wackadoo (CHANEL?!) with the biggest bun I’ve ever seen.
7:14: Mommy Cyrus is scary.
7:12: I’ve bailed on Baba Wawa because the Red Carpet is just so good. However, I just clicked over to hear about Mo’Nique’s hairy legs and open marriage. Baba apparently thinks if your husband likes hairy legs, that’s all that matters.
7:09: Sandra Bullock is 45?
7:07: Is Antonio Banderas playing Castro? Whither the sexy?
7:06: Fug Girls just reminded me: Carey Mulligan looks great. Also, I wish Miley Cyrus would just stay home. Not interested.
7:05: Check. Tim McGraw is in The Blind Side. I’m a bitch.
7:04: Amanda Seyfried is playing Red Riding Hood? Who’s directing that? NEED TO KNOW MORE.
7:03: I just saw Penelope Cruz. Lady knows her color.
7:02: Why are Faith Hill and Tim McGraw there? It’s not the CMAs.
7:01: Tyler Perry presents Tyler Perry’s tux by Prada.
7:00: Sandra Bullock looks lovely. Her hair is perfect, her dress is kind of amazing. She seems nervous.
6:58: Diane Kruger is lovely and her English is great, but her dress is dreadful.
6:58: Giuliana appears to be wearing a pair of bedazzled spiderwebs on her ears.
6:55: Is Maggie G pregnant? I hate saying that, but it really kind of looked like it from the side.
6:52: Tina Fey is lovely! And Michael Kors deserves a prize for everything he’s ever designed.
6:51: Two thoughts: Sandra Bullock seems to look spectacular and is presuming that she’s won. Also, Diane Kruger is wearing something that looks like a bunch of cotton balls hot-glued to a sheet.
6:49: Sigourney Weaver is so much taller and better than Ryan Seacrest. Also, I love her dress. WAIT. She’s POLE-DANCING in a DISNEY movie?!
6:44: Mr. Jay is wearing Tom Ford. Serendipity.
6:43: Tom Ford. Yum. But what a schmoozy mofo.
6:41: The vowel-hoggers Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard are with Ryan now. Maggie’s dress is Dries van Noten, but looks like one of the prints from Jean Paul Gaultier for Target.
6:38: And Ryan Seacrest is Adiosing someone else to talk to someone more important again. This time “bye, Jason Reitman, I have to kowtow to James Cameron,” who is wearing a pocket square in “Na’vi Blue.” I bet he picked out his wife’s dress color too.
6:36: Tina Fey is here! Looking fabulous. I hope Alec Baldwin calls her Lemon from the stage.
6:35: “She’s a chick that’s halfway like a dude… I mean that as a compliment.” Is that code for “lesbian?”
6:34: Please alert Michael Scott that they have released the PT Cruiser Couture Edition.
6:30: James Cameron has arrived. He’s had a haircut and flatiron treatment.In other news, Vera Farmiga (in Marchesa) is lovely. Her dress may be fabulous, but E! only gives us tight shots. WTF.
6:28: WHY DOESN’T RYAN ASK ABOUT THE DESIGNERS? Also, it’s kind of cool that they have a DJ, but couldn’t they do better than Joel Madden?
6:27: Zoe Saldana! That dress is CRAZY. Love it. She’s seriously had the PR speech about motion-capture memorized, then. Did James Cameron hand out talking points?
6:13: You know, I’m proud of Giuliana. She looks a little less skeletal than she did at the GGs.
6:12: What’s Mo’Nique wearing on her head? Oh, and Zoe Saldana has arrived wearing something CRAZY. Enter the crazies.
6:10: Ryan Seacrest clearly wants to be talking to Mo’Nique and not Anna Kendrick all of a sudden.
6:09: There is Anna Kendrick! It’s … pink and frilly. Also, Mariska Hargitay showed up!
6:06: Welcome! We’re getting started now! Looks like we’re getting started with a bang – Anna Kendrick is there. From the two inches we got to see, it looks like a Mother of the Bride special… scary. Happy to see that Giuliana is actually not ON the Red Carpet. And they put a tent between her and the carpet! Hooray!