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Golden Globes 2013! Live-blog!

13.January 2013

Hey all – back again after long long radio silence to liveblog the Golden Globes! I’m dropping the timestamp this year. Just keep refreshing! I’ll be here!

  • The Red Carpet Show (on E!) started three minutes ago and Ryan Seacrest is already annoying me. That being said, I would like one of those giant heat lamps on my fictional house with its fictional patio.
  • Oh, Ross. He makes me uncomfortable. Also, I *still* don’t like Kelly’s silly hair.
  • So, looking ahead to the actual awards: We haven’t seen many of the movies this year, but obviously that doesn’t stop me having lots of opinions. Here’s what I want to happen:
    • Best Drama: Lincoln. Because a) I haven’t seen Argo or Django Unchained and b) because Lincoln wasn’t actually that Spielberg-y.
    • Best Comedy/Musical: If it weren’t for my history as theater geek, I would absolutely say Moonrise Kingdom. But then Les Miserables happened and I can’t vote for anything else because I’m so excited about it.
    • Best Actor Drama: Daniel Day Lewis.
    • Best Actress Drama: Helen Mirren. Because she should win all the awards.
  • Taking a break from my votes: Julianne Hough (when did she become A Thing?) has kind of awesome hair. I don’t like her dress, but I want those bug earrings.
  • Also, Amy Adams is adorable, but her dress is blah. Of *course* she’s wearing Marchesa. *yawn*
  • Claire Danes just said “I’m hoping I don’t leak anytime soon.” about having *just* had a baby like four minutes ago. Also, Claire Danes in Versace? No Calvin Klein! And her eye makeup is too much.
    • Best Actress Comedy: DAMN. How do I choose? Judi? Meryl? Maggie? Can they all win? I also deeply love Emily Blunt AND Jennifer Lawrence. Having seen none of the movies, I don’t have an opinion.
    • Best Actor Comedy: Ewan McGregor. Delicious.
  • Michelle Dockery (oh, Lady Mary!) in Alexander McQueen, maybe? Fabulous gold and white, anyway.
  • Katherine McPhee: I realize your boobs are in danger of making a serious prison break but STAND UP STRAIGHT.
  • Isla Fisher bedazzled her dress.
    • Supporting Actor: Not Tommy Lee Jones. Phillip Seymour Hoffman was great.
    • Supporting Actress: I *guess* I wouldn’t mind Anne Hathaway winning this one, but what about Helen Hunt? She’s so fantastic?
    • Director: Kathryn Bigelow. Because those dudes win every time. I would also accept Ben Affleck.
  • Zooey (the inferior Deschanel, says this Bones fan) in my prom dress. Pretty.
  • File Brian Cranston under “Not Taking Giuliana’s Bullshit”
  • Lena Dunham is cute. It’s a fantastic dress! Love the pleating in the skirt. Did Ryan Seacrest forget to ask who her dress is by?
  • Seriously, haven’t we seen Amy Adams‘s dress about a gajillion times?
  • So, gang, what’s the deal? Is Girls any good? Ought one to watch it? Also, Lena Dunham: I don’t pee in front of other girls. I think you might not be in the majority there.
  • If you need more live-bloggy action: Go Fug Yourself
  • AMY POEHLER AND TINA FEY OH MY GOD! Both fabulous. So effing exciting. But why is Tina Fey’s hair so light? And big?
  • So, I really like Tina Fey‘s dress – the collar thing is kind of eighties-y, but I love the length. And Amy Poehler is rocking the shit out of that suit. I would have appreciated a slightly more unusual necklace with the jacket.  But of course, somewhere Celine Dion is asking “but why not backward?”
  • So this year’s stupid interview theme is “tell us about your crazy fans.” I’m not that interested, but it’s better than diets.
  • Also, dudes. Did you notice that BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH is nominated? Cumberbatch Cumberbatch Cumberbatch Cumberbatch Cumberbatch.
  • Whenever I see Bradley Cooper I just think WILL TIPPIN!
  • Is that Lucy Liu behind him? In that blue and black thing? Looks good to me! Also I just asked “is that Lucy Liu? and Lucy (the dog) looked up at me like “WHAT.”
  • Okay, what’s with the faux-Elizebethan corset crotch pointy thing that’s happening with some of the dresses? Julianne Hough, Lena Dunham, Zooey Deschanel… Strange.
  • Jodi Foster! Love the Hair, Love the Dress, Love the Makeup. Love. Armani. Obviously.
  • Also, it WAS Lucy Liu. And I love it. It also seems to be continuing the faux-Elizabethan thing.
  • I want to yank Olivia Munn’s dress up about an inch. Not far, but it seems a little droopy. Also, Ryan Seacrest didn’t do his homework about OM’s newsroom background.
  • Sally Field looks great! Mature, but not too “Mother of the Bride.”
  • Also, does Ryan Seacrest have a girlfriend? Really?!
  • Aziz Ansari! Tom Haverford! Wearing Kevin Dior. Awesome. So much swag.
  • RACHEL WEISZ. LOVE. She’s Number ONE on the list of celebrities I wish I looked like. For real.
  • AZIZ ANSARI: “What is that? Based on my chocolate skintone?”
  • Ooh, there’s Lucy Liu! who is the dress? Oscar? RYAN IS LETTING ME DOWN. Oh! Carolina Hererra! Cool! Though I will say her hair verges on the costumey.
  • Michael J. Fox is looking pretty good! That makes me happy.
  • Seriously, Amy Adams makes me sad every time they cut to her. So pale. So monochromatic.
  • Jessica Chastain: I don’t know what your deal is, but I love your hair.
  • Jennifer Lawrence: Her dress is not that exciting except for two things: Why are her boobs so pointy? And that metal belt is really cool. I like when her hair is brown too.
  • CUMBERBATCH IS COMING UP! Cumberbatch Cumberbatch Cumberbatch Cumberbatch. I’ll have a giggle with you, Benedict. Oh, yes.
  • Nicole Kidman has arrived. Her dress is also alluding to Elizabethan corsetry. It’s officially a trend.
    • Does it need to be said that I want Cumberbatch to win his category? I mean, really? KEVIN COSTNER? No. CUMBERBATCH.
  • That Bailey’s ad was really trippy.
  • Amanda Seyfried seems like she has NO confidence. Get it together. Also, it’s only a matter of time until she makes an ill-advised Madonna biopic.
  • Hugh Jackman is delicious, but he needs to shave.
  • On the subject of shoes. GEEZ some of those heels are TOO TALL. Jennifer Lawrence’s were at least SEVEN inches. Also, E! should just put a HANDRAIL on their platform! Dead air while these poor hobbled ladies struggle down the steep steps.
  • Taylor Swift: She looks OLD. I like her earrings and I like her dress and her hair and everything, but I feel like it ages her about ten years.
  • HAMM IN THE BACKGROUND! (Dan recommends a Hamm-Cam and I concur.)
    • I forgot about Julianne Moore in Game Change! Surely she’ll win, right?
  • Jennifer Westfeldt looks very cool in Naim Khan. I approve.
  • OH NO. Rachel Weisz is demonstrating the original meaning of Scrolldown Fug. I thought itwas so cute, but then OH. NO.
  • Julianne Moore looks stunning in Tom Ford. So, SO great. But is it an inch too short?
  • Nicole Kidman looks great! I wish her hair were a little redder. She’s in McQueen. Obviously. I don’t love the studs.
  • Jennifer Garner in something shimmery and red.
  • ADELE! I love her. The dress is a little mumsy but her eyelashes are MAJOR.
  • Oh Sienna Miller. Oh, NO. UGH and it’s CUSTOM? Yikes.
  • Marion Cotillard is gogeous. She’s also rocking the metal belt. Dior is into that this year. The assymmetrical hem is interesting. I think I like it?
  • Julianna Margulies – hello illusion netting. Wow. Skin. OH! ER LOVE!
  • Clooney is pretty. As always. I really don’t care about Stacey Keibler. Armani Prive. I guess it’s good.
  • Kate Hudson is auditioning for the role of her mother tonight.
  • Sofia Vergara looks fabulous. I love that dress and that it’s a slightly different profile for her.
  • Hey, Ben Affleck. that’s a good beard.
  • Kristin Wiig has an ill-advised cutout on her dress.
  • Jennifer Lopez. Very predictable. Also, shut your mouth. Too much sexyface.
  • Anne Hathaway! Great hair. Also, I’m going to say that she is pregnant. There’s no other explanation for the bodice of that dress. Which is not to say I don’t like it.
  • Hooray Salma Hayek! Keeping the big-ass bow alive!
  • “When it comes to torture, I trust the woman who spent three years married to James Cameron.” WOW.
  • “I haven’t seen someone so alone and abandoned since I saw you on stage with James Franco at the Oscars.” Zing.
  • SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MOVIE: Christoph Waltz! I love a German acceptance speech. Also, Quentin T. is silly and a little sketchy.
  • SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A MINI-SERIES etc.: Come on Maggie…. YAY! And of course she’s not there. She’s so above it.
  • Eva Longoria’s skirt is completely sheer. Do we like it?
  • Mini-Series/Movie: Game Change! Hooray! Was Jonathan from Buffy in Game Change?
  • Julianne Moore! As Sarah Palin! So crazy! A reminder:
  • Catherine Zeta-Jones’s accent is really weird.
  • Aida Tackla O’Reilly? Where the hell is she from? I like it when the President of the HFPA speaks.
  • I would like to officially stop peplums from happening. It’s NOT GOOD.
  • I want to die and come back as Salma Hayek.
  • Actor TV DRAMA: Damian Lewis. So Homeland is good?
  • Did the teleprompter completely crap out on them? Poor guys.
  • BEST TV DRAMA: Homeland. Too bad for Downton. It’s not a good year for the family. This dude giving the most self-congratulatory speech ever.
  • Christine is really freaked out by the Target cake mix ad.
  • Argo: Worth all the hype it’s getting?
  • Jennifer Lopez! She’s playing the blow-up doll version of herself in that dress. Ridic.
  • Soundtrack: As long as it’s not John Williams, I don’t mind.
  • Yay, Adele! Haha. Taylor Swift looks *pissed*.
  • Kevin Costner?! OVER CUMBERBATCH?! HFPA IS DEAD TO ME. Poor Cumberbatch. Here, you can cry on my shoulder.
  • BILLLLLLL! Lena Dunham’s face said it all.
  • I mean, Lincoln has to win if they’re having Bill effing Clinton introduce it.
  • Kristin Wiig and Will Ferrell are pretty cute.
  • Emily Blunt might be one of my new favorites.
  • Jennifer Lawrence! She’s so awesome. But seriously, all of them are so good in this category.
  • Supporting actor TV: Ed Harris! He was excellent in Game Change.
  • Supporting actress in a Movie: Anne Hathaway! She’s so cute. I hope she keeps her hair like that forever.
  • We’re all agreed that both Amanda Seyfried and Robert Pattinson are odd looking.
  • Screenplay! Quentin Tarantino? Surprising.
  • EVERYONE should be like Jeremy Irons. What an odd, delightful class act.
  • Debra Messing and Lucy Liu – That is a LOT of dress on one stage.
  • Stallone and Schwarzenegger. So much macho. So many jaws.
  • Claire Danes! I was hoping for Michele Dockery. Oh well. Glenn Close is sad.
  • Sacha Baron Cohen – he’s always odd. But strangely sexy when not dressed as a random character.
  • Animated feature? Brave! Hooray!
  • Aziz Ansari and Jason Bateman! So excellent.
  • Lena Dunham is super cute.
  • Tina and Amy’s monologue:
  • Robert Downey, Jr. So great.
  • Jodi Foster, also awesome. And I still love her dress. She’s just so great.
  • So did Jodi Foster come out publicly? Is that what happened?
  • Director! Ben Affleck, who is clearly as surprisd as we are!
  • Ugh. Jay Leno. He can just fade away any time now.
  • Best Comedy TV show: Girls! I guess we should watch it, then?
  • Christian Bale is greasy, but still very attractive. I would also like to hear him doing Michael Caine.
  • I’m sure Hugh Jackman is great, but I wish they would just give the award to someone in a COMEDY.
  • So to come back to it, what was Jodie Foster on about? My sound cut out for the most (I think) important part of the speech (I guess she cursed? I would in that situation.). Is she quitting movies? I mean, sure she’s gay. What was that all about?
  • Jeremy Renner is sketchy. And his little mustache is stupid.
  • CHRIS PRATT is in Zero Dark Thiry?!
  • What did COMCAST have to do with Les Miserables?! It’s Kabletown. Crazy.
  • Actress Drama: Jessica Chastain! That’s exciting, I guess. It’s nice that a woman is winning for such a sausagey movie as Zero Dark Thirty looks to be.
  • Actor in a Drama: Daniel Day Lewis! Hooray. Also, DDL’s language is NOT impoverished.
  • Julia Roberts is there? Who knew?
  • Best Drama! Here we go. Argo?! Wow.
  • That’s a wrap, folks. Off to dream about Daniel Day Lewis ca. 1990.  See you back here on Feb. 24 for the Oscars!
5 Comments leave one →
  1. wjh permalink
    13.January 2013 19:20

    “but obviously that doesn’t stop me having lots of opinions”

    thank you!

  2. wjh permalink
    13.January 2013 19:45

    “But of course, somewhere Celine Dion is asking “but why not backward?””

    aaaah, i just clicked on that link and probably won’t sleep well tonight now…

    • Jason & Snoot permalink
      15.January 2013 21:36

      From the front it makes her look like an evil dentist, and from the back the hat makes her look like a Spanish pikeman conquering the New World.

      You graduated!!

  3. wjh permalink
    13.January 2013 19:49

    Ich will auch tippen!

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