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Oscars 2014 Liveblog!

2.March 2014

It’s Oscar time! Hooray! This year we’re watching from the west coast for the first time! How weird to be watching in the middle of the afternoon.

3:58 PM: We’re watching without cable this year, so I’ve missed the early red carpet show. The Fug Girls should be able to catch you up at their liveblog. Who’s looking good? Who’s not?

4:01: The ABC red carpet show is kicking off! Very exciting! Already caught a glimpse of Lupita Nyong’o and Amy Adams, both looking lovely.

4:02: Sidney Poitier – so classy. So above all this nonsense.

4:03: Jared Leto is going as Jordan-Catalano-Ironically-Goes-To-Prom.

4:05: Viola Davis – GORGEOUS. Love the green even with the little gapping in her armpits.

4:06: Bruce Dern and family. Beautiful. Laura looks like just a proud daughter rather than also a movie star in her own right. Kind of nice.

4:07: Harrison Ford looking younger. Dye? Fillers? What?

4:09: Commercial break: The nominations, in case we forgot.

4:11: Anna Kendrick. Is it a cool dress? I like the middle and the bottom, but I’m not at ALL sure about hte illusion netting and the collar thing. Weird. Also, dude, don’t waste your interview by warning Anna Kendrick about how slippery it is.

4:13: Amy Adams! Looks beautiful. Lots of very formal, kind of stiff hairdos this time. Not bad, but very different.  I hate her earrings. Love her dress. Updated to add: That dress photographs with the best of them. Flawless.

4:14: Kevin Spacey! Blue tux! Favorite so far.

4:15: Sally Hawkins? I haven’t seen Blue Jasmine and I’m sure she’s wonderful, but that dress looks like it is intensely uncomfortable and way too heavy. Like it grew on something. Not in a good way.

4:16: Olivia Wilde in Valentino maternity. GORGEOUS.

4:19: Commercial break: Jezebel has the looks.

4:20: Kerry Washington in Jason Wu’s First Ever Oscar Gown. I find that really really hard to believe! It’s a beautiful, if shapeless dress. Actually, I think that maybe it could be a touch more tailored, even if she is very very pregnant.

4:23: Naomi Watts. LOVE the necklace. Hate the dress. Looks like a toilet paper cover.

4:25: Just checked in on Lupita Nyong’o. That is the kind of dress you wear when you’re going to win. (Anne Hathaway’s situation last year notwithstanding.) I mean, look through the history. Lots of princess dresses there.

4:29: I’ve got to say, I bought an antenna for this event today. That means these are my first local ads in this small town. Wow. That’s all. Just wow.

4:30: Just saw snippets of Cate Blanchett and J.Law. All good things. Now Jennifer Lawrence is being interviewed! Her hair is very American President. Love love love the necklace. The dress looks familiar. In a not fantastic way. Seen it before.

4:33: Cate in Armani and Chopard.  The dress is lovely, but … a little too bedazzled? Can it be she’s missed this time?

4:36: Just saw a clip of Charlize Theron. LOVE it.

4:38: It’s another one of those Oreo ads! Kind of obnoxious. How long has this been going on?

4:39: Leonardo DiCaprio looks pretty great. I love when actors bring their parents to the Oscars.

4:41: This year things have gotten really really bad. I haven’t seen almost ANYTHING. I mean, really almost nothing that’s nominated. It’s shameful. So all opinions I’m about to voice about who should win are based only on my generic preferences.

4:51: Jamie Foxx brought his GORGEOUS daughter with him. Her earrings are so great.

4:53: Dear K reminded me that we’ve seen Jennifer Lawrence in red at the Oscars before. That one was much more surprising.

4:55: Jessica Biel looking monochromatic as always. Yawn. Emma Watson looking AMAZING.

4:59: Who will deliver me a chimichanga?

5:00: I loved Bradley Cooper before it was cool to love Bradley Cooper. Will Tippin forever.

5:02: Just saw Brad and Angelina from above. Her boobs look like they came through her surgeries all right.

5:01: Lupita Nyong’o wins. She looks AMAZING. Love her hair, love her jewelry, love love love her dress.

5:04: Julia Roberts. I hate that dress. Hate hate hate hate hate. Gorgeous earrings and bracelets, though.

5:05: Bill Murray looks older than I thought.

5:07: Here’s blessed, beautiful Charlize Theron

5:09: What the hell was that? The mean-tweet skit with Jimmy Kimmel. Stupid and weird.

5:12: Will Smith knows the cameraman from Fresh Prince. I love it. They both look beautiful. But is he wearing a scarf? Jada’s hair is a little aggressively straightened for my taste. It’s like Donatella made it a prerequisite for wearing Versace.

5:15: GAGA in Barbie pink for a nanosecond. That was wild.

5:16: Sandra Bullock looking lovely in blue Alexander McQueen. Which just reminds me that Alexander McQueen was way more interesting before AMcQ died. I Mean. Really.

5:21: WHO TOLD DOVE IT’S OKAY TO REANIMATE AUDREY HEPBURN FOR THE SPECIFIC PURPOSE OF SELLING THEIR CHOCOLATE? ALSO MOON RIVER IS FROM BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S AND YOU SHOWED HER STYLE CIRCA ROMAN HOLIDAY AND THE COGNITIVE DISSONANCE IS KILLING ME.

5:23: People who are missing: Brad and Angelina skipped the interviews, Emma Watson ditto. Meryl Streep AWOL.

5:26: That’s it for the red carpet. Now four minutes of ads before the main event.

5:30: Anne Hathaway. I feel weird about this.

5:30: ELLEN! It’s Oscar time! I don’t love that suit, however. K says “like a 60’s Beatle.” Not wrong.

5:33: Philomena is there! That Liza Minelli joke! Ha!

5:34: Dan says Ellen is wearing a great Dr. Who costume. Ellen for Doctor.

5:35: Meryl Streep looks amazing. And, by the way, EIGHTEEN NOMINATIONS.

5:37: Ellen ribbing Jennifer Lawrence is the greatest ever.

5:39: “Possibility number 1: 12 Years a Slave wins for best picture. Possibility number 2: You’re all racists.”

5:40: I don’t like Anne Hathaway‘s dress, though I appreciate that she’s kept her hair short. BTW, a little too much blush.

5:41: Fassbender is sexy in that Ralph-Fiennes-in-Schindler’s-List kind of way.

5:42: And Jordan Catalano wins an Oscar! Weird. That’s a prepared speech. Probably a good thing, given his other acceptance speeches of late. Also his brother is pretty attractive.

5:46: Jim Carrey. He makes me uncomfortable. But I love his jacket.

5:47: Whoopi Goldberg is wearing some serious hand candy.

5:48: U2!

5:50: I do love a movie montage.

5:51: Pharrell Williams wearing that hat again. And GIANT red sparkly sneakers. I want some shoes like that. It’s pretty good if Bono cheers for you.

5:57: Just found Angelina Jolie. That dress is a miss for me. Frumpy.

5:59: Catherine Martin wins again for costume design. What a wonderful dress! Also, who knew she’s MARRIED to Baz Luhrman?!

6:00: Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa got an Oscar nom? Funny.

6:02: Harrison Ford enters to Indy music. Amazing. He must be so sick of it, though. Also, EARRING? Yikes. He does NOT seem well.

6:05: CUMBERBATCH

6:06: That big rose curtain was weird, right?

6:10: I love love the consolation prizes! KIM NOVAK! She’s … well … preserved?

6:14: I love when Frenchies win Oscars.

6:17: Sally Field – my grandma’s perennial favorite. She looks wonderful.

6:20: I’ll say it again, I do love a movie montage. Really.

6:20: EMMA WATSON! She’s so lovely.

6:24: Karen O should be everywhere always. What a lovely song!

6:26: You know, I’m all for more Muppets everywhere but  really Disney buys beloved brand –> Disney pimps out beloved brand for random tie-in.

6:30: Kate Hudson looks wonderful, but I miss her cape.

6:34: VELVET SNAKESKIN BLAZER

6:36: Ellen wants pizza. I just ordered pizza. STARS THEY’RE JUST LIKE US.

6:38: Caitrin Rogers, producer of 20 Feet from Stardom, looks as good as any of the actors in the audience.

6:40: Spacey as Frank Underwood!

6:44: It’s always so great when Brad Pitt gets a haircut.

6:46: That Google Play ad was excellent for the Oscars.

6:48: Ewan McGregor is so charming. Even with long hair.

6:50: I also always love when Italians win Oscars. Even if this guy is no Roberto Begnini.

6:51: Tyler Perry presents Nebraska! (See what I did there?)

6:54: BRAD PITT. That’s all. GAH AND U2! I can’t handle all the awesome!

6:57: Three thoughts on Bono. 1. He thinks this is a stadium show. It isn’t. 2. Bradley Cooper is going to play him in the biopic in about ten years. 3. LOOK AT HIS HUGE TALL HEELS.

7:18: Pizza is here and I’m only interrupting to say that I am firmly in Lupita Nyong’o’s camp. That was a wonderful acceptance speech and so nice to see it so surprising and felt so deeply. Take notes, all other nominees for the rest of time.

7:44: Whoever put Jennifer Garner and Benedict Cumberbatch on stage together was thinking of Dan and Me. (Celebrity Top Five Fantasy On Stage.)

8:01: Ugh. So sad about Philip Seymour Hoffman all over again. And seriously. Bette Midler? I never hear that song without crying.

8:05: COOGAN! I want him to win that screenplay Oscar so, so badly.

8:13: Jamie Foxx is a national treasure.

8:17: The normals (The Anderson-Lopezes) just accosted Bono on their way to the stage. Way to seize the day.

8:25: Poor Coogan.

8:27: Spike Jonze! Nice, surprising!

8:35: Alfonso Cuaron! I haven’t seen Gravity, but I like him.

8:44: I love it when Cate Blanchett is happy. And hooray for making the case for woman-centered cinema.

8:51: Matthew McConaughey it is.

8:56: Best Picture time! Exciting! 12 Years a Slave! What a happy bunch up there.

 

That’s all, folks. More next year.

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