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Oscars 2017! Liveblog!

26.February 2017

It’s been a couple years, but I thought it was time again! Here we go!

Image result for cher oscars

*****

  • 9:35 Okay. Time to remember how to blink. That was a SHOCKING ending to an otherwise relatively unremarkable Oscars. See you again next year, assuming they can recover from this fiasco. Toodles, Oscar fans! Image result for shocked reaction gif
  • 9:24 I would usually totally already have turned off the TV, but this is DIFFERENT.
  • 9:23 Says Dan: “OSCARS SCREWUP TOTALLY A METAPHOR. White guys playing jazz almost got away with illegitimately stealing award from black actors, directors and producers.”
  • 9:11 HOLY SHIT. La La Land DIDN’T WIN. It’s Moonlight! This is the strangest and most painful thing, but I’m actually really really happy!
  • Best Picture. It’s for real now. La La Land. Somehow not surprising.
  • 9:02 Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway! She looks great!
  • 8:52 Best Actress! Emma Stone?!
  • 8:51 Frontrunners for Best Picture after all the rest: Moonlight, La La Land, and Manchester by the Sea.
  • 8:47 Best Actor. Here we go. Casey Affleck or Denzel Washington?
  • 8:43 How do you even *get* to direct a move at 32?!
  • 8:41 Director! I do not want Mel Gibson to win.
  • 8:35 Moonlight! It’s #1 on my wish list for post-Oscar viewing of movies I should already have seen.
  • 8:33 Ouch, five-time nominee Amy Adams. I’d like her to win someday.
  • 8:31 Manchester By the Sea wins Best Original Screenplay. That ratchets up its chances of winning Best Picture
  • 8:29 Original Screenplay. Always an interesting category. Did *anyone* see The Lobster?
  • 8:24 I am so not over Carrie Fischer or Mary Tyler Moore. Also, Sara Bareilles did that song justice. And that was a tall order, it being a Joni Mitchell song.
  • 8:20 Jennifer Aniston is basically naked, but somberly so.
  • 8:16 I love Scarlett Johansson’s eyeshadow.
  • 8:15 Justin Hurwitz, born 1985, won an Oscar TWO OSCARS at age 32 (or is he still 31?). What have you done with YOUR life?
  • 8:13 Are Samuel L and The Rock wearing the same suit?
  • 8:06 So, John Legend can sing!
  • 8:02 I’m okay with Jimmy Kimmel because he gave us Mean Tweets.
  • 8:01 So, odds on La La Land winning everything?
  • I want to go to the Sci-Tech awards.
  • The Documentary Shorts always look so heartbreaking.
  • Bright?! Netflix original movie starring Will Smith?! This sounds weird: “Bright is an upcoming American science fiction fantasy film directed by David Ayer and written by Ayer and Max Landis. The film stars Will Smith, Joel Edgerton, Noomi Rapace, and Lucy Fry.” (Thanks Wikipedia.)
  • That kid from Lion is TOO CUTE.
  • I love the technical categories. I’m not one of these fake Oscar fans who only watches for Viola Davis.
  • Michael J. Fox! He *is* an inspiration. And there’s a DeLorean!
  • Dr. Strange HAS to Win Visual Effects, right? Or maybe not? The Jungle Book?!
  • I LOVE this film in all the different languages.
  • 7:25 That Dev PatelAndrew Garfield bro-down was amazing.
  • 7:20 This tour bus thing is dragging on too long, but I gotta say, I’m mostly just jealous.
  • 7:14 Production Design. This category is dead to me after they didn’t even nominate Crimson Peak. DEAD.
  • 7:13 Jamie Dornan. I do *not* need to see the movie he’s promoting by presenting with Dakota Johnson, but I *do* need to see him on a regular basis.
  • 7:11 I’m *still* surprised by the success of Zootopia. It was fine, but was it better than everything else? Really?
  • 7:10 I, too am against any kind of wall separating me from Gael Garcia Bernal.
  • 7:08 I *detest* Hailee Steinfeld‘s dress, although usually I’m on her side. Gael Garcia Bernal, however, is lovely.
  • 7:04 Since when does the New York Times advertise on TV? I’m into it.
  • 6:58 The Salesman wins for Foreign Film. It’s a shame the director couldn’t come to the US. It’s all terrible.
  • 6:53 “Viola Davis just got nominated for an Emmy for that speech on the Oscars.”
  • 6:48 I’M NOT CRYING. YOU’RE CRYING.
  • 6:39 Supporting Actress! I am very happy for Viola Davis.What a beautiful speech.
  • 6:39 Jackie Chan is so classy.
  • 6:34 I am SO excited for Beauty and the Beast. Not ashamed.
  • 6:30 Supporting Actress coming up. I’m rooting for Viola Davis. 
  • 6:27 Sound Editing. Who even knows.
  • 6:22 I have decided that I love Leslie Mann’s dress. You can’t go wrong with chartreuse at the Oscars. (Right, Nicole?)
  • 6:19 These Wal-Mart movies are weird and dumb. Do not approve.
  • 6:17 Auli’i Cravalho is WAY too composed for a 16-year-old.
  • 6:12 Scarlett Johansson. I just don’t know. Her head is every 90’s German supermodel. Her dress is … I don’t know. Barbie-esque? But. It’s an Alaia!
  • 6:11 Documentary time. 13th had BETTER win. Okay. Or not.
  • 6:08 Damn. Janelle Monae, Taraji P. Henson, and Octavia Spencer walking out from backstage. That moment was everything.
  • 6:06 For those who are counting – Rosalind Ross is 25 years old. Mel Gibson is 61. AND YES, I AM JUDGY.
  • 6:04 Brie Larson looks great, but she only got to wear that dress because Angelina Jolie isn’t there this year.
  • 6:00 Costumes! Fantastic Beasts! I’m down with that. I want to own many of the garments in that movie. “Sting told me I was going to win tonight and I didn’t believe him.” *love*
  • 5:57 Actually Makeup (AND HAIRSTYLING – when did that happen?) I mean, that guy should win for hairstyling just for how he looks tonight. Not since Roberto Benigni has an Italian been that excited.
  • 5:57 Kate McKinnon is awesome.
  • 5:56 Next up: Costume Design, about which I always have OPINIONS. I’ve just decided to root for either Fantastic Beasts or Florence Foster Jenkins.
  • 5:53 In case you were wondering, here’s the order of ceremonies tonight.
  • 5:51 Treat yourself to this during the next commercial break.
  • 5:47 Supporting Actor! It always starts so suddenly! Mahershala Ali wins!
  • 5:42 Two questions: What Is Captain Fantastic? and When did Viggo Mortensen become Clint Eastwood?
  • 5:39 Amazon got an Oscar nod? For Manchester By the Sea? Weird.
  • 5:37 Is Jimmy Kimmel a Republican?
  • 5:35 Jamie said it best: “Remind me why JT isn’t hosting and Jimmy Kimmel is.”
  • 5:33 I’m guessing Meryl skipped the red carpet (screw you, Lagerfeld), but having just glimpsed her in the front row, I am ready to say she looks sensational. Killer color. It looks like she *thinks* she *might* win. You can always tell when she knows she’s not going to.
  • 5:31 JT is charming. The set for this year is kind of cute, but also dated.
  • 5:28 It’s almost time! Movies I’m rooting for or against (despite not having seen them): Fences, Hidden Figures, Arrival. If Denzel Washington loses to Casey Affleck I am going to scream. I want Meryl Streep to win just to screw with Karl Lagerfeld.
  • 5:27 Kris Jenner actually makes me speechless with rage.
  • 5:24 The anecdote about Emma Stone’s “Project Hollywood” PowerPoint is in danger of Hathawaying her in the future.
  • 5:23 Naomie Harris looks sensational.
  • 5:22 Mel Gibson is that old dude who hangs out at the coffee shop complaining about the kids.
  • 5:18 Octavia Spencer DOES look wonderful, but I just don’t love those feathers on anyone. Except Brenda Dickson.
  • 5:16 KRIS JENNER. EVERYONE CALLS IT SIDEBOOB. NOT JUST YOUR GIRLS.
  • 5:15 Emma Roberts looks sensational. The beading on the skirt is TO DIE. Dan remarks: “She’s the off-brand Jessica Chastain.”
  • 4:52 Ryan Seacrest has made a HUGE MISTAKE with his ruffly shirt.
  • 4:42 Emma Stone has dressed planning to win. LOTS of fringe and I totally approve. In Givenchy. Of Course.
  • 4:39 Kris Jenner. We need to talk. Nicole Kidman does not “always wear such bold bright colors.” She INVENTED the nude trend. I also just opted for a commercial on ABC rather than listening to Kris Jenner for one more minute.
  • 4:38: Giuliana (I think) on Alicia Vikander, age 28: “It’s so nice to see someone who can stay so young in fashion.” Really.
  • 4:36 Casey Affleck is in costume as Joaquin Phoenix in that one year.
  • 4:35 Kris Jenner: “It looks like … velvet … right?” Thank you for that incisive comment.
  • 4:34 Taraji P. Henson looks amazing generally. Not just the necklace. Her Feretti is unbelievable.
  • 4:32 Now Jessica Biel is looking at Justin Timberlake like she doesn’t *quite* understand anything he’s saying.
  • 4:31 Charlize Theron looks good, but does she just have her hair in a ponytail?
  • 4:29 Halle Berry! That is a LOT of hair and not a lot of makeup! I’m into it! Also cool Verace.
  • 4:27 I also find it cruel that they had to cast HIDDLES in King Kong. Why do I have to be excited for King Kong? Ugh.
  • 4:26 Here’s something fun. Imagine any of the talking heads interviewing Isabelle Huppert speaking French even halfway as eloquently as she speaks English. Ha!
  • 4:23 Dakota Johnson came in costume as Marion Cotillard, apparently. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
  • 4:22 Just caught a glimpse of Nicole Kidman! 9/10. Dinging her for the (lack of) color.
  • 4:21 DUDE. Janelle Monae!
  • 4:20 I am NOT excited about Jimmy Kimmel hosting.
  • 4:16 NINA GARCIA is on ABC! I love her Valentino. And I’m with her. Isabelle Huppert looks great in her disco-y Armani. Dan notes that she is wearing a Bajoran earring.
  • 4:15 Although, Lucas Hedges is pretty sweet and he was AMAZING in that movie.
  • 4:13 UGH you guys. I can’t even THINK about Manchester By the Sea without wanting to cry and I can’t even THIINK about Casey Affleck without feeling creeped out.
  • 4:12 Robin Roberts looks GREAT.
  • 4:11 Dev Patel is yummy. That is all.
  • 4:08 I’m just now getting a good look at Giuliana Rancic. I hate everything about her look (except her earrings and bracelet). Did she take a HIGHLIGHTER to her hair? How do you even GET that tan? What are the weird pleats on her hip? UGH.
  • 4:07 MICHAEL J. FOX! So happy to see him looking so well!
  • 4:06 I’m already courting controversy with one of my best  girls, but I’m not convinced about Felicity Jones’s Degas thing. Does it FIT her properly? Why is it so droopy and colorless?
  • 4:03 I don’t know who Blanca Blanco is, but GOD BLESS HER FOR THIS CRAZINESS.
  • 4:02 Jessica Biel’s dress looks fabulous. And her necklace is bonkers (in a good way), but together? I’m not positive.
  • 4:00 I LOVE hearing all the talk about women of color (and women generally) in Hidden Figures. 
  • 3:55 I HATE Hailee Steinfeld’s dress, even if it photographs okay.
  • 3:51 “Coming up: Vince Vaughan.” Not exciting.
  • 3:50 I am NOT the first to note this, but Karlie Kloss stole Gwyneth’s very best look ever.
  • 3:48 Dan and I are skeptical about Sting’s hair. Both color and length.
  • 3:47 Taraji P. Henson wins for best necklace.
  • 3:46 Ryan Seacrest: “They’re some rockets for the little babies.” (I had forgotten how ridiculous E! is.)
  • 3:45 Love the blue ribbons for the ACLU. I’m in favor.
  • 3:43 PM (Pacific!) Kirsten Dunst! So classic. Very Givenchy circa 1957. LOVE.
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16 Comments leave one →
  1. 26.February 2017 18:01

    I’m missing the red carpet to cram in more work :( Boo. But I am taking the time to read your blog:)

    • Darby O'Shea permalink*
      26.February 2017 18:14

      Your priorities are HALF right, then.

  2. Jamie L. Jones permalink
    26.February 2017 18:41

    Ok I’m on. Kimmels not as terrible as expected yet

  3. Jamie L. Jones permalink
    26.February 2017 18:42

    But I’m still missing JT

  4. Jamie L. Jones permalink
    26.February 2017 18:46

    Saw Manchester last night. Affleck does a great job, but the film is way overrated

    • Darby O'Shea permalink*
      26.February 2017 18:50

      SO DEPRESSING. I thought it was great, but just too too.

      • Jamie L. Jones permalink
        26.February 2017 18:53

        SO depressing. And didn’t you think the music was so weird and distracting?

      • Darby O'Shea permalink*
        26.February 2017 18:54

        It was ARTSY, you PHILISTINE.

      • Jamie L. Jones permalink
        26.February 2017 18:53

        Have you guys seen Arrival yet?

      • Darby O'Shea permalink*
        26.February 2017 18:54

        Nope. It was my worst year ever for movies. (shame)

      • Jamie L. Jones permalink
        26.February 2017 18:56

        You and dan will love it

  5. Jamie L. Jones permalink
    26.February 2017 18:47

    I am strongly in support of moonlight and arrival and hidden figures and hell or high water

  6. Jamie L. Jones permalink
    26.February 2017 18:51

    Mahershala Ali 😍😍😍

  7. Jamie L. Jones permalink
    26.February 2017 19:24

    Gotta go: E just brought down dinner!

  8. 26.February 2017 20:19

    Yes, Zootopia was the BEST!

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